


Sweet Silver Blues

by EstherRomanov



Category: 5 Seconds of Summer (Band), Glee, One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, F/F, F/M, Glee - Freeform, M/M, Romance, Slice of Life
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-12
Updated: 2015-12-31
Packaged: 2018-03-23 08:32:26
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 36,647
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3761662
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EstherRomanov/pseuds/EstherRomanov
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ashton is lost. He doesn't know what he wants in life. And it doesn't help that his friends have other things in their minds that makes him feel left out. Louis is pursued by an endearing admirer in the name of Harry Styles, a sophomore nerd everybody likes; Lauren thinks of making her last year in high school be special by any means possible; Eleanor juggles between cheerleading and writing Kurtbastian fanfics; and Michael just cares about pizza. It's exhausting, it's what it is. But maybe things for him (and his friends) would change for the better after they join the glee club.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Day and Night

**Author's Note:**

> Fic title is originally a book title. "Sweet Silver Blues" by Glen Cook  
> I own nothing.

The first step Ashton takes inside the familiar school grounds, and from his first scan on the students, old and new, from his right to his left, he already knows. His last year in William McKinley High will not be anything special. He had known all along anyway. It is not as if he is hoping otherwise. Nothing is ever special in this town, he knows. 

He hears someone calling him from a distance and sees his friends, Lauren Jauregui and Michael Clifford, running towards him. 

"How have you been?" Lauren asks him happily and embraces him. "How was vacation?" 

"Nothing really happened," Ashton says as he receives a one-arm hug from Michael. "There is only so much you can do when you are staying in this place for three long months." 

"I heard your brother got married," Michael says. 

"Oh, yes, that," Ashton mutters. How can he forget to tell them? Liam, coming home from England, with a fiancé.An Irish boy that surprises the whole family.For who would have thought that their Liam is into guys.Though Niall Horan is a very likeable lad. He smiles every so often and seems to love life very much. And it is a plus (but also somewhat absurd) how they complemented each other in their jobs, considering that Liam is a mystery thriller writer and Niall is a children's book illustrator. That aside, Niall won their approval just after the first family dinner. He managed to make their mystical Aunt Paula laugh over a stupid thing as breaking a plate; their aunt who, also like their mother, has not been herself since her brother (their father) died two years ago. 

Liam and Niall's wedding was set on the second Wednesday of July in the local church, and the reception held in their backyard. Ashton is happy that his older brother is happy. But sometimes, he can't help but to think that Liam is an idiot for deciding to come back home and stay in Ohio when he has the choice not to.

"Look at all of them," Lauren says suddenly, stealing Ashton away from his reveries. The girl is looking at the freshmen walking around. "I hate them. They make me feel old." 

Before Ashton can supply a sassy remark on that, Sue Sylvester's voice is heard on the speakers, instructing all students to just go on in their rooms now so classes could begin and the school year officially start. Then she hands the microphone to Becky Johnson, who deliberately gives insults to all. It shocks the freshmen while the older ones groan. 

"Well, our last year has officially started," Lauren says dreamily. "I can't believe it. It all happened so fast." 

The two men just shrugs and the three enters the school building. Lauren tells them of her boring vacation in New Jersey while Michael tells his account of just staying inside his house for the whole of the vacation, playing video games. 

They pass by the lobby and notice the sign-up sheets for clubs already hung in the walls. Lauren becomes excited. 

"This is our last year and we do not have any clubs. Why don't we try out in one? All six of us?"

"Eleanor is already in Cheerios," Michael reminds her. "Although, I have to say, that idea of yours is great." 

"I know! So what club is it going to be?" 

"Anything but the glee club," Ashton says. 

"Shoot. Of course. Who would want to join a club notorious for its unqualified loserness. Wait, was that a word?" the girl asks in wonder. "Hey, I heard that Marley, Jake and Ryder had to transfer schools because they can't forgive themselves for entering such a lousy club." 

Michael shakes his head. "No way that's true." 

"That's what I heard." 

As the three walks on by, a student looks at them with contempt. He has heard of their conversation and he trembles in rage. A member of the glee club, he cannot tolerate the insults their group are getting. Not anymore. Then a friend of his appears and thugs his arm. 

“Calum, come on. We’ll be late for class.” 

“Fine. You don’t have to pull my arm so hard, Camila. It hurts.” 

~~~ 

Ashton easily recognizes Zayn Malik, their class adviser and a new member of the faculty. He was Liam’s bestfriend in high school. He remembers Liam bringing him over countless times for dinner and Zayn staying in the house during Saturdays. They were very close. It comes to Ashton that Liam has not talked of Zayn since his return. 

Zayn recognizes him, too, and approaches him when their class is over. “How are you?” he asks and squeezes his shoulder. “You remember me, right?” 

“Of course,” Ashton says shyly. “I haven’t seen you in five years, though.” 

Zayn laughs. “You know. College. How is your brother?” 

“Liam’s back from England for three months now. And he’s got married.” Zayn’s face falls. Immediately Ashton feels sorry. “I know it sucks. I mean… how time flies, right?” Ashton stutters. “I’m sure you’ve lost contact with Liam because…” 

“Who’s the lucky woman?” Zayn asks. Ashton can see that he is forcing a smile. 

“It’s a guy. It is surprising, even for us. But Niall is cool. You should meet him… and Liam, of course. Brother does not leave the house often. He is a writer now. I could… I mean, you could… well…” 

Zayn pats his back. “I will drop by this Saturday. Be good in class, Mr. Irwin.” 

When he has gone, Eleanor, Lauren, Louis and Michael crowds over him in his seat. 

“You know our adviser?” Eleanor asks. She is already in her Cheerios uniform. 

“He was Liam’s bestfriend back here in high school,” he answers. 

“Then get his number for me, dumbass,” Lauren demands. “I want a hot student-teacher relationship before I graduate.” 

“Lauren, that’s gross,” Louis comments. 

“What’s gross about that? He’s hot.” 

“You are gross,” Michael says. 

“Oh, no,” Louis groans. The rest of them look at him in worry. He gestures towards the door in annoyance. “He’s here again.” 

Harry Styles enters the room and runs to Louis, wounding his arms around the shorter boy. And everybody just coos and cheers while Louis glares at them in irritation beneath Harry’s embrace. 

The thing is, even Ashton finds it amusing, Harry, with his gelled hair, big glasses, and stupid ties and vests, was a bullied student when he was a freshman. “Nerd!” “Faggot!” “Wimp!” were what they call him. Louis, an applicant of the school football team, was one of his bullies. 

One day, as the McKinley Titans gathered around a crying Harry by his locker, Louis stepped in and taunted him and called him names. Ashton and Eleanor were standing nearby then, watching them. The two do not approve of a bullying Louis but Louis had pleaded to them, and tried to make them understand that he wants to join the football team.

“You’re a goddamn crybaby,” Louis said and stepped and broke the poor boy’s eyeglasses. “Fucking faggot is what you are. We have not done anything to you yet and you’re already crying.” 

“Girly Harry,” one of them said.

Louis frowned at that. “Really? His name is Harry? His face looks like a Marcel to me.”

Ashton and Eleanor did not get the joke, did not know what was funny in that, but the team started laughing and pounded Louis’ back for “having a good one”. Suddenly, New Directions _(It’s all the glee club’s fault, Louis would say)_ came running down and dancing and singing to Taylor Swift’s _Sweeter Than Fiction_ on the hallway. The bullying team stopped for a moment to look at the club with disgust as they’re doing one of their stupid numbers and passes by them to the other side of the building. Even Louis paused, and Harry stopped crying momentarily. Then Louis and Harry looked at each other. Eleanor saw it, the exchange of yearning gaze. _(It’s all the glee club’s fault, Louis will say, and Eleanor’s)._

“Hallelujah!” Eleanor exclaimed ever so loudly (and ever the shipper) that gave her their attention. “Oh, my goodness! Yes, I ship it! Kiss him now, Louis!” 

And Louis, ever the sensitive, reddened. He stomped his feet angrily. “Go away, El!” 

Harry rose to his feet, finally having enough.”I do not want a kiss from someone like you,” he gritted. 

“What did you say?” Louis asked in astonishment. 

“I said I don’t like you.” 

“Oh, shut it. As if I like you.” Louis’ teammates and Ashton and Eleanor watched them with newfound interest. “I would be a freaking nerd first before liking you. And that is never going to happen.” 

Harry began to cry again. 

_(It’s all the glee club’s fault, and Eleanor’s, and freaking Sue Sylvester’s…)_

Louis just stood there, dumbfounded. The Titans started with their insults yet again. Ashton had wanted to shove them away and protect the poor freshman. 

“What is going on over there?” came Sue’s voice, the principal marching on to where they were. 

_(…and Josh Devine’s)_

The Titans are tough, but even they have nothing on the Sue Sylvester’s rage, especially if it comes right after a glee number. Josh Devine, a fellow applicant of the football team, thought quickly and pushed Louis into Harry’s personal space. 

“Comfort him, Tomlinson,” he hissed.”

Louis was confused as heck but was also terrified of Sue, so he awkwardly brought his arms around Harry’s waist. He patted his back and whispered comforting words into his ear.

“Look at what we got here,” the principal said, sending them all death glares.”Why is Peter Pan molesting that four-eyed stick?” 

“I’m sorry, miss,” Josh said politely.”But we don’t know what has gotten into Harry. It is fortunate, though, that our Louis is a perfect gentleman, and as you can see, he is soothing him. We meant no harm, miss.” 

Several other students were watching by then, including the glee club.

“All right. Stop the gay drama and move along now.” Sue clapped her hands.

Louis was about to step back from the embrace when Harry pulled him into another hug and bawled in tears.

Sue groaned. “What now?” 

“I’m sorry… I’m sorry,” Harry cried.

The audience were amused, the Titans were confused, Ashton was speechless, Eleanor was loving the moment, and Sue had a look on her face that said, “This better be good.” Louis was deadly embarrassed. He wanted to punch every one of them in the throat. 

“Whatever are you sorry for?” Louis squeaked, rubbing Harry’s back.

“I lied…I’m sorry,” The taller boy hiccupped. 

“What about?” 

“When I said I don’t like you. That was a lie. I like you, Louis Tomlinson. I really do.” 

The room erupted into cheers and it was deafening. And to have confessed your feelings to someone in front of Sue, you are practically married. The New Directions started singing again:

_“There you'll stand, ten feet tall_

_I will say, "I knew it all along."_

_Your eyes–wider than distance_

_This life–sweeter than fiction”_

_“There you'll stand next to me_

_All at once, the rest is history_

_Your eyes–wider than distance_

_This life–sweeter than fiction, fiction”_

Louis had never looked so hopeless all his life ( _Add Harry Styles to the freaking list_ , Louis will say. _And Taylor Swift._ ) 

His fate was sealed from that day on. All in the school just fond the situation to be so funny that they started supporting Harry’s love to Louis. They smile at his longing stares to Louis, his blush whenever he comes into view, his stutter when Louis is forced to greet him, his sweet and shy smile when Louis says more than one word to him, and his tremble in shame whenever Becky Johnson tells him to just go and fuck Louis Tomlinson.

Louis, for his part, does not give any shit, especially when he learned that he we will not be bullied because of it. Josh had told him that that the McKinley Titans could not decide what to do with him, so they would let him be for a while. On a not totally unrelated note, Louis did not make it to the tryouts.

That incident happened for a year now, and still, truth be told, nobody knows how he feels about Harry. He smiles to him sometimes and acts nice to him, but most of the time he acts mean and indifferent. He has not apologized for the mean thing she had told him and for the punches he had thrown him. Eleanor does not lose hope and says that if Louis does not like Harry, he should have avoided him, bullied him, make a big move to make Harry go away, or do something to put his and Harry’s picture down in the canteen that says ‘Loveteam of the year’. No, Louis has not done anything. And to Ashton, he even looks happy, especially that Harry has become bolder in his moves. 

~~~ 

Ashton, Louis, Harry, Michael and Lauren are going to the movies after school. They think that it’s the perfect tie before school even gets hectic. Eleanor, however, stayed with her cheerleading friends.

“I heard this new Shailene Woodley film is pretty great,” Lauren says as they are nearing the theaters. “What do you think, Michael?” 

“Whatever you like,” the albino boy replies noncommittally while nibbling a slice of pizza. 

“I’m up for anything,” Ashton says. He looks at Harry and Louis for approval. “Wait, are you two holding hands?” 

Harry smiles widely while Louis glares at him. “What do you think, Irwin? What are you? Twelve? Stop making a big deal out of it. It’s not like you have not seen two men holding hands before. And I don’t want Shailene Woodley.” 

“Shailene Woodley it will be,” Lauren says enthusiastically. 

They are turning to a point and another group of people walks and bumps Lauren, who is in the lead. 

“I’m sorry,” the unknown girl says, interrupting Lauren’s speech of curses. Ashton and Michael exchange looks of wonder. Sure, the girl is cute and all, but is that the reason why Lauren looks smitten? 

“It’s okay,” Lauren stutters. 

One of the guys with the cute girl sees Michael and his face immediately sterns. “Michael,” he calls in way of recognition.

Michael waves his hand. “Yo, Calum.” 

The girl smiles at Calum. “You know them?” 

“They are our schoolmates,” Calum replies in a condescending tone. 

“How wonderful!” she holds out her hand to Lauren. “My name is Camila Cabello.” 

“Lauren… Jauregi,” answers she and they shake hands. 

Camila gestures at the boys behind. “And they are?”

“Not important,” Lauren says dismissively.

Camila looks confused but, after recognizing Louis and Harry, carries on. “Say, are you part of any clubs in our school?” 

Lauren replies negative.

“That’s great. Why don’t you try our glee club? We are really short of people. There’s only three of us. And we—” 

“You’re part of the glee club?” Lauren asks, disappointment evident in her voice. 

“Yes. Last year I was not. I met Miss Rachel Berry on my vacation in New York and she convinced me to join. 

Lauren wrinkles his nose. “Her persuasion must be very convincing for you to participate in that club.”

Camila smiles. “It is. So, how about it?” 

“I don’t sing,” Lauren says and pockets her hands. That was a lie. All of them sing. That is why Lauren had proposed last year to form a rock band with them that did not push through because only he and Michael know how to play an instrument. 

Camila pouts a little then points at Harry. “How about you, Harry? Calum told me he heard you singing in the school shower and that your voice is amazing.” 

Harry reddens in total embarrassment while Louis scrutinizes the boy he’s holding hands with. “I did not know you sing, Marcel.” 

“O-only a little… only in the shower.” 

“Then let me hear you,” Louis says, adding quickly, “I mean not in the shower but, ummm… somewhere else.” 

“So, are you going to join our club?” Camila asks hopefully. 

“No, they are not,” Lauren cuts in. “I’m sorry but we are joining one club and it’s not going to be glee.” 

“What is it, then?” asks the girl again. 

“Math club,” Michael answers. 

“Shut up,” Calum snaps. “I know you always fail math, Michael. Stop making lies.” 

Ashton sighs while looking at them argue. He ponders over his friends. For one, Michael never once told them that he knows someone from the glee club. Two, Lauren does really want to make her last year in high school special for not even wanting to try to audition to a loser’s club. Three, Louis and Harry are lovebirds. Four, Eleanor should be here with him so he won’t be alone judging these idiots. 

He feels a tap on his shoulder. The other boy with Camila is smiling down at him, closing to his space. 

“Hello,” the boy greets. 

“Hi,” he greets back. Ashton is not sure he has seen this student before. He looks well-dressed in his white button-up shirt and black pants. Freshman, most probably. 

“You are into math?” the boy asks. 

Ashton looks over at his friends first before answering. “No. God, I hate that subject.” 

“And the glee club?” 

“I don’t sing.” 

The boy laughs a little. “I don’t believe you. I think everyone who says that really sings… and most of the time really good at it.” 

“Honestly. I don’t sing.” 

“Come on. Give it a shot. I’ll be there.” 

“Wait. You’re part of New Directions? I thought freshmen—” 

“I’m no freshman. I’m a junior student. Transferred from Dalton Academy. I’m Luke Hemmings.” 

“Ashton Irwin. Senior Student.” 

“Come on, Camila!” Calum exclaims. “We’re wasting time on these people.” 

Camila gives one last look at Lauren and says, “You can change your mind anytime,” before turning to her heels. 

“See you at school, Ashton,” Luke says and leaves with his two friends. 

“Ugh, she’s cute. But I would rather have no club at all than attend hers,” Lauren mutters. 

“Did you just call her cute?” Ashton asks in bewilderment. “I did not know you’re into—” 

“Finish that sentence and I will finish your life,” Lauren threatens. “Besides, you were flirting with the other guy as well.” 

“Am not.” 

“And Michael, how come you did not tell us you know a member of New Directions?” 

“Because it is not important.” 

That said, they resumed their journey to the movie house and watched the two-hour long film. Ashton comes home at eight to a silent house. Colette, his thirteen-year-old sister, is waiting for him in the porch. Their mother is currently with her payer group and left a message that they not need wait for her, as usual. Niall is in the kitchen, washing the dishes. Ashton turns down politely the dinner Niall offered. Harry had treated them in the Lima Bean after the movie. 

“That’s all right,” Niall says in his thick Irish accent. 

“Where’s Liam?” 

“Upstairs. Writing. He has been up to it for the whole day.” Niall stares at Ashton, who has not moved form where he stands by the refrigerator. “What’s the problem?” 

The younger boy scratches his head. “I just wanted to apologize about yesterday, when you and Liam proposed to move out and Mom got angry and--” 

“Ash, I know what she said,” Niall says patiently. “And it’s all right. If it offended her and got her into thinking that we don’t respect her authority in this household, we are the ones who should be sorry. We’ll just ask her again in the future.” 

“It’s your right, Niall. It’s your prerogative to choose what you want. I love my mother. But I know when she is becoming unreasonable.” 

Niall smiles. “I love Minerva as well. But as of now, we’ll just have to wait and see.” 

“But she said she’ll never let you leave this house as long as she lives.” 

“Minerva will change her mind,” Niall says with confidence and finality. 

So Ashton leaves his brother-in-law, then yells at Colette to get inside the house and stop texting her ‘boyfriend’. 

He enters Liam’s room upstairs to tell him the news. 

“Zayn teaches at McKinley now,” Ashton tells his older brother. “He’s our class adviser.” 

Liam looks up from his desk to smile a little at him before he sends his fingers flying again on his keyboard. “Really? How is he?” 

“He looks fine, teaches history. Lauren already has a crush on him. And I told him you got married. He will drop by this Saturday to see you. Is that all right?” 

“Of course. I would like to see him again. Five years, huh. That’s long it has been.” For a moment he does not speak. Then he asks, “How is your day?” 

Ashton sighs and sits on Niall and Liam’s bed. “Just fine. Lauren, again, wants us to join a club. A pretty girl turns up and asks if we would like to try the glee club. We declined, of course.” 

“Why? Glee club is fine. Zayn and I were part of it back in high school. You know that, right? And you sing.” 

”Not really. And times have changed, Liam. New Directions is now a club for losers, with a tagline of showing what you really are and being true to yourself.” 

“And you don’t want to be part of a group like that?” 

“No.” 

Liam pauses again from his work to give him an encouraging look. “Try it. You might like it. Zayn and I did.” 

Ashton is not convinced. But before he goes to bed, he goes to the living room and takes out Liam’s high school album from one of the shelves. There was Liam, 18 years old. Pictures of him with Zayn, with his girlfriend, with Mr. Schuster, with the writer’s club, with the glee club. Liam indeed looked happy. But he and Ashton are different. 

After a while, he closes the album and thinks. What can he lose for joining the glee club? Why is he making a big deal out of it? It’s not like he has a reputation to protect. After all, he’s a fairly unpopular student. Whatever he’ll do in his last year in high school will not be remembered. Nothing is ever special in this town, he reminds himself. 

_Why does it matter?_

~~~

Still, it took a week for Ashton to decide upon the matter. By then, he and his friends have witness multiple times Luke, Camila and Calum get slushied, and Sue Sylvester picking on the club’s coaches, Kane Robb and Shirley Roberts. Lauren would cringe and say never in hell would she enter a world like that. It loses every chance of telling her he might want to try. 

Four or five times that week, Ashton chances on passing Luke by in the school lobby talking to either Camila or Calum. Each time, Luke takes a moment to wave at him. He is a really fine-looking man, Ashton can’t help to notice. Because of their encounter on the first day of school, Ashton finds himself interested in Luke. 

That Friday, when Ashton and his friends are down in the cafeteria for lunch, Ashton decides to tell what he’s thinking before he chickens out. “I want to audition to the glee club.” 

The rest stops in their actions. Lauren says, “You’re joking.” 

Ashton shrugs his shoulders. “I’m not. Liam was in the glee club before. He said it was cool. And they had won third place in the Nationals.” 

“That was five years ago,” Lauren retorts. “Now all has become of glee club is a place for losers to make them feel special in themselves. We are not losers, Ashton.” 

“You mean my brother is a loser?” 

“No. I meant it is a place for losers _now_. Ashton, listen. I know you are this emo punk that thinks nothing is ever important and has zero knowledge in self-appraisal but you don’t have to go this low.” 

Eleanor reaches for his shoulder and squeezes it softly. “If joining New Directions is what you want then I will support you. I don’t see anything wrong with that. If you want, I will audition with you.” 

Ashton thanks her but asks her in slight confusion. Isn’t she in Cheerios? 

“You do know that I only joined the Cheerios is because everybody in this school expected me to, right? They think I’m the type. And all the while I don’t feel like I belong.” 

Lauren rolls her eyes at the two of them. “I don’t believe it. Seriously? Michael, Louis, Harry. Don’t tell me you will go with these two idiots.” 

“I won’t,” Michael answers. “But that is just because I don’t want to be in close proximity with Calum.” 

“Tell us, what is going on between the two of you?” 

“Something just happened in middle school. I don’t want to talk about it,” says he, and gobbles up his pizza. 

“I will not join that club, too,” Louis says. “I still have some self-respect left on me, thanks. You, Marcel?” 

Harry shakes his head. He mumbles, “If you won’t, neither would I. But I had hoped we could be in there together… since, you know, you wanted to hear me sing, and I’ve heard you sing and…” 

Louis looks offended. “Please. I barely escaped bullying when I started hanging out with you. I won’t risk it again.” 

Ashton sends Louis a disapproving look to which the boy answers with an annoyed “What?” 

Harry looks down at his food, seemingly about to cry. “Do you regret being with me?” Everybody in the table becomes silent. That is the first time Harry inquires of their relationship. 

Louis just sighs and holds Harry’s hand. “Stop being so silly, Harry. You know I don’t regret being with you. If I do… well… I can’t think of anything because that does not even cross my mind. You’re annoyingly cute and I like you.” He says it all so easily and sincere that Ashton wonders why are they ever doubting Louis’ feelings for Harry. “And if you want to know more about the truth, I much prefer your company over these assholes in this table,” he adds. 

“Fuck you,” Ashton says. 

Harry’s smile is wide and endearing. He pecks Louis’ cheek then looks down shyly. 

“Oh, my babies,” Eleanor says, clutching her chest dramatically. 

“I rented _Scott Pilgrim Vs. The World_ the other day,” Louis tells Harry. “You could come to my house after school and we’ll watch it together.” 

Michael deadpans, “This is getting too cheesy for my liking. Why don’t the two of you just marry?” 

“Shut your pizza-obsessed mouth, Clifford,” Louis snaps. “Irwin, don’t look at us like that.” 

“Like what?” 

“Like we are the most perfect couple you’ve ever seen.” 

“But you are,” Eleanor counters. “You should know that you are my third favorite ship. Below McLennon and above Barack and Michelle Obama.” 

“What are you talking about, Eleanor?” 

“Don’t ask her more details, Ashton, you giant idiot!” Lauren yells. 

“Barack and Michelle Obama are already married. What are you shipping them for?” 

“Michael, didn’t you hear what I said to Ashton? Don’t ask her more details!” 

“I have ranked my top five ships,” Eleanor explains with much delight much to Lauren’s chagrin. “Kurt and Sebastian take the top. Ever since I’ve seen them in New York, I’ve been in love. I am actually writing a fanfiction about them. An alternate universe where there is a war, and militaries, and conscriptions and blockades. I’m on chapter twenty-six now—” 

“I’ve read that one,” Harry says. “It’s in your Tumblr. It’s nice but do you really have to do that to Blaine?” 

“Harry, my dear, if you don’t like it, write your own fanfiction. It’s that simple.” 

“About real life people? Won’t that be weird?” 

Eleanor just rolls her eyes and continues. “Number two is John Lennon and Paul McCartney. You have to be blind not to see that. Number three is our very own Louis Tomlinson and Harry Styles. Number four is our president and his first lady. Do you see how they look at each other? And lastly, if what you said about Ashton and that transferee is true and if indeed there is perfect chemistry, then they have a very good chance of taking the number five spot away from Tom Sawyer and Huckleberry Finn.” 

“You’re weird,” Louis says. 

“No. I am only a firm believer of love.” 

Lauren groans in frustration. “All this talk about these stupid things and we still have not figured out how to stop Ashton and Eleanor from auditioning to that loser’s club.” 

“Now that I think about it,” Michael says thoughtfully, “glee club is not so bad, if only to spite Calum.”

“Michael, not you too. Do you really want to spend your last year in that utterly stupid school choir?” 

“Don’t be too high on yourself,” Michael says. “You’re talking as if you can even pass the auditions for that ‘utterly stupid school choir’.” 

Lauren narrows her eyes. “What the fuck do you mean by that?” 

“What I said. You’re talking like how glee club is for losers and what misery your life will get _if_ you’re in it but _can_ you get in?” 

Lauren grits her teeth. Then she closes her eyes for a second with a deep breath to compose herself. “Fine. I see how it goes. You think I’m overestimating myself. Well then, why don’t the six of us audition to the glee club?” 

“Are you insane?” Ashton asks. 

“Shut the fuck up. That’s what you wanted, right? And even when I pass the auditions, I don’t need to pursue it. I just want to get even with our pink-haired albino friend. What do you say, Michael?” 

“Sounds good. I’m sure it will be the utmost shame if even the ‘loser’s club’ won’t accept you.” 

“And if I pass and you don’t I will dye your hair with shoewax, clear?” The two of them shake hands. “All right. The six of us will head down to the school lobby and sign up their sheet. Right now.” 

So they do. All of them write their names on the New Directions’ signup sheet, to Shirley Roberts’ joy, who is incidentally passing by the school lobby. The coach asks when they will be ready for the auditions and Michael and Lauren answers with a firm “Now,” despite Ashton’s protest that they have classes. 

No sooner are they ushered into the auditorium where Kane Robb will also be watching. 

Lauren is first. She grins at Michael challengingly and says, “Watch and learn, Mikey.” 

The guitarist starts to play. She sings. 

_“County road 233, under my feet_

_Nothin' on this white rock but little ole me_

_I've got two miles 'til, he makes bail_

_And if I'm right we're headed straight for hell”_

.

_“I'm goin' home, gonna load my shotgun_

_Wait by the door and light a cigarette_

_If he wants a fight well now he's got one_

_And he ain't seen me crazy yet_

_He slapped my face and he shook me like a rag doll_

_Don't that sound like a real man_

_I'm going to show him what a little girls are made of_

_Gunpowder and lead”_

Michael follows after her with The Silent Comedy’s “Blood On The Rails” and enjoys Lauren’s frown. 

Ashton is filled with exasperation as he watches him perform. In all seriousness, how can he and Lauren perform right on the spot? And how did those damn background players know what to play? They are more prepared than he is. And to think it was his idea to join the glee club. He voices this out to Eleanor who just giggles and says, “You’ll be okay.” Very helpful, indeed. 

Then, it’s Eleanor’s turn and she sings “Lucky” by Lucky Twice. It is Louis’ turn next then Harry’s and he will be the last. Why did he ever agree with his friends? He is even more anxious when he sees the glee’s three members enter the hall and sit beside the note-taking Shirley. 

“Oh, glad my turn was over before that dick arrived,” Ashton hears Michael say to Lauren behind him. 

“I’m Louis Tomlinson and I will be singing “Lovers in Japan” by Coldplay,” says Louis when it is his turn. 

_“Lovers, keep on the road you're on_

_Runners, until the race is run_

_Soldiers, you've got to soldier on_

_Sometimes even the right is wrong”_

To ease a little of tension. He is feeling (and because he can), Ashton leans to Harry and whispers, “Hear that, Harry? You’ve already got a wedding song.” 

_“They are turning my head out_

_To see what I'm all about_

_Keeping my head down_

_To see what it feels like now_

_But I have no doubt_

_One day the sun will come out_

Harry blushes terribly that makes Ashton laugh but Lauren pinches him in the back for being distracting and for teasing Harry. 

Louis gives the sophomore a proud smile after he’s done. He also looks like he’s about to embrace the younger boy but he stops himself. And while Harry sings Uncle Kracker’s “Smile”, Ashton can almost see Louis’ heart eyes. It is both sweet and disturbing. But maybe it’s just because of his anxiety. 

Ashton awkwardly walks to the center of the stage when he’s called. Luke expresses a look of delighted surprise upon seeing him. At the corner of his eyes, he can see his friends watching expectantly at him. 

“Hello. My name is Ashton Irwin—” 

“Oh. You’re an Irwin?!” Shirley exclaims. “But of course you are. You are the younger brother of Liam, right?” 

“Yes.” 

“He was my student before. He was so reserved and shy, but oh my, when he sings… and most especially when he’s having a duet with Zayn. They are so—” 

“Will you just let the boy sing?” Kane snaps. 

“Oh, sorry. Ummm… what will you be singing for us today?” 

““When The Day Met The Night” by Panic at the Disco,” Ashton answers. Just as he said it, the chords start playing in the background. Wow, this is really shit magic, he thinks before opening his mouth to sing. 

_“When the moon fell in love with the sun_

_All was golden in the sky_

_All was golden when the day met the night”_

.

_“When the sun found the moon_

_She was drinking tea in a garden_

_Under the green umbrella trees_

_In the middle of summer”_

.

_“When the moon found the sun_

_He looked like he was barely hanging on_

_But her eyes saved his life_

_In the middle of summer (summer)”_

.

_“In the middle of summer_

_All was golden in the sky_

_All was golden when the day met the night_

_Summer (summer)_

_All was golden in the sky_

_All was golden when the day met the night_

_Summer, summer, summer, summer_

_All was golden when the day met the night”_

When he finishes, he could have sworn that he wants to sing more. 

~~~

They are gathered in the stage five minutes after Ashton’s performance. Then Shirley announces that the six of them are accepted. By the look on her face, it appears she wants them to jump and down in glee (no pun intended) and maybe have a party. But after her announcement, Lauren facepalms and whispers so that only her friends can hear. “Fuck. Of course they will accept us all. They are in need of members. How did I not think of that?” 

“Are there any problems, Lauren?” Shirley asks. 

“Nothing.” Lauren fakes a smile. 

Luke, Camila and Calum joins them on the stage. 

“Welcome to the glee club,” Camila says, opening her arms wide. 

Lauren just stares at her while Louis, Harry and Eleanor let themselves be hugged. 

“I thought you want the math club,” Calum says to Michael. Ashton can see that he is trying to suppress a smile. 

Michael shrugs. “Changed my mind.” 

Ashton feels a tap on his shoulder. “I’m right,” Luke beams at him, so close to his side. “People who say they don’t sing, sings amazingly.” 

“Not all the time,” Ashton says. 

“Come on,” the transferee gives him a friendly slap on the back. “You were great. Give yourself some credit.” 

Ashton scratches the back of his neck. He is becoming embarrassed of the attention the younger boy is giving him. 

“Friends,” Lauren calls loudly. “We still have time to attend our last class. Let’s go.” 

Luke grabs Ashton’s arm before he escapes. “I was wondering,” he says. “If you are free after class?” 

Ashton tries not to blush and to make a big deal out of it. “I think so. Yes.” 

“Good. Up for a movie?” 

“Why not? What it’s gonna be?” 

“It’s a surprise. I will meet you at the school gate at five, okay?” 

Eleanor hooks her arm around Ashton’s as they leave the auditorium. She whispers closely to his ear that made his heart stop. “Welcome to the number five spot.” 

END OF CHAPTER ONE 


	2. Home and Away

With all that happened that week that school and at home, everybody has forgotten that Zayn will visit that day. 

The family are all comfortably resigned in the parlor enjoying the sunshine through the open windows while Minerva is in the kitchen , cooking their meal with assiduity. She had warned them not to distract her prepare lunch on herself. Her words “If I can still do it by myself , then Lord bless me, I will do it by myself,” rings in Ashton’s ears. The change in his mother occupies his mind that causes him to argue only half-heartedly to Eleanor on the phone that what Luke and he did that Friday afternoon was not a date. Colette sits beside him, texting her friend. Liam and Niall are lying together on the other couch. Niall is engrossed reading a book by Harper Lee, his head resting on Liam’s chest while Liam pets his husband’s head sleepily. The family cat, Azariah, sits on top of the television, watching them all with bored eyes. Tobias, Liam’s dog, sleeps peacefully on the rug by Ashton’s foot. 

_So is that the reason you are grumpy?_ , Eleanor’s message reads, _because it is not a date?_

 _God, you are hopeless_ , Ashton replies. _I’m not in the mood. I’ll text you later._ He tosses his phone away. 

“What’s that, Ash?” Liam asks. 

“What’s what?” 

“You threw your phone away angrily. Who were you texting?” 

“Eleanor.” 

“Oh, how is it going between the two of you?” 

Ashton sinks further into his chair in despair at what his brother is implying. “We’re not a thing. Just close friends.” 

“Well. She is a fine-looking lady.” 

“She’s nuts.” 

“How come?” 

“She’s into shipping and boy’s love and other whatnot.” 

“A fujoshi, eh?” Niall chimes in and closes his book. He sits up properly. “They are the scariest monsters out there next to _28 Days Later_ zombies. I would be really careful if I were you. But on a side note, you don’t have a girlfriend yet. Why not her?” 

“I don’t know. Maybe I’m also into guys.” 

“Oh, come on!” Colette suddenly groans. “Why can’t any of you give me a sister-in-law!” 

“Why are you mad? If you want another female in the family, why not marry your boyfriend? What’s his name again? Bob?” 

“Ash, stop teasing her with a boy. She’s just thirteen,” Liam says. 

“A boy? You should have seen him. Looks more like a girl than Colette. Probably does not know how to use the thing between his legs.” 

“Okay. First off, I hate you. Second, you should be aware that that joke is really, really old. It’s not funny anymore. It’s incredibly annoying. Only a rat that uses thirds of its brains would use a joke like that. When you tell a joke like that, bloody hell, you should be eradicated. That joke does not make you the life of a party. It makes you stink and unpopular and uncool. And stu—” 

Ashton covers Colette’s mouth with a hand. “Shut up. I get it that my joke is bland. Can’t we leave it at that?” 

Suddenly, Tobias wakes up, as if sensing something. He sniffs in the air then barks. Afterwards, he rises and runs to the door, pushes the screen frame open and goes out into the front yard. In confusion, they all look out the window and see Tobias playing with Zayn. The dog looks really excited to see him. 

“Who is he?” Colette asks when Liam also goes out to greet Zayn. 

“Don’t you remember?” Ashton asks. “Zayn. Liam’s best friend in high school. He always comes here during weekends before. Now he’s my class adviser.” 

“Frankly, I don’t remember much about him,” Colette replies while the three of them watch Zayn and Liam enclosed in a tight embrace. “Maybe I was too young?” 

“Possibly. At eight years old.” 

“Look at that dog,” Niall says. “He loves Zayn more than me.” 

“Come on,” Ashton says and pats his back. “Liam should have told you Tobias is their dog, right? They bought him in a shelter in high school.” 

Niall smiles that frightens Ashton a little. “He told me, all right, when we were still in England. They bought Tobias for a school project. Parenting 101.” Suddenly, it scares Ashton that he knows little about the man he’s brother married. 

“Lunch is ready,” Minerva announces, appearing in the living room. She frowns at their positions by the window. “What are you looking outside? Who is there?” 

“It’s Zayn, Ma,” Ashton answers. 

Minerva stiffens. “Well, invite him inside now. It is rude to keep the food waiting.” 

But Liam is already ushering Zayn inside. “Ma, Zayn’s here,” her older son says. 

Zayn embraces her with a “How are you, Mrs. Irwin?” The older woman only nods with a passive expression on her face. 

“Ashton is here,” Liam continues to show his best friend. “He told me you are his class adviser. Keep an eye on him, okay? Then Colette, remember her? She was so young back then. There’s Azariah. I hope that terrible scratch he’s left on your back is all healed now. And here,” he draws Zayn’s shoulders from behind to make him face Niall fully, “is my husband, Niall.” 

The two men regards each other carefully. Then Niall cracks a smile. “Pleased to finally meet you. Liam has told me all about you.” 

“Pleasure to meet you as well,” Zayn replies softly. 

Minerva clears her throat. “Come along now. The food is waiting too long.” 

Zayn says politely, “Oh no, Mrs. Irwin. I only dropped by to see Liam. I don’t mean to crash in—” 

“Enough,” Minerva interrupts almost sternly. “You don’t refuse God’s grace, Zayn. You’re better than that.” 

Zayn looks at his best friend in confusion. Liam just shakes his head. 

They talk of their lives at the table. Liam and Zayn are proud of Ashton for joining the New Directions and make him promise to win the Nationals. They also warn him of Sue Sylvester, Vocal Adrenaline, bullying, and anything on the line. Niall supplies with his own high school story. He was not part of the glee club, he says, but he almost auditioned for the drama club. Minerva stays reserved, only speaks a few times to remind them of God and salvation. It puzzles Zayn, because he does not remember Liam’s mother like that. Liam gives him a guilty expression every now and then, as if asking him to condone him for his mother’s behavior. 

After lunch, Zayn and Liam excuse themselves so they could hang out together downtown. Ashton and Colette are left washing the dishes while Niall clears the table. Minerva sees the two boys off the door and prevents Tobias from following the two. When they are out of sight, she approaches Niall and says, with a bit of hesitance, “You know I am not fully approved of your marriage, right?” 

Ashton and Colette overhears it. They pause form their work to listen. 

“I am not fully convinced that same-sex relationships should be acceptable because the bible says love is between a man and a woman. However, my beloved son wanted to marry you, and though I would have done everything in my power to prevent it, he had made up his mind. I just have to live with that and pray every day that my son’s soul be spared from the punishment.” 

Niall stays quiet. 

“But you know what I can’t live with? Those who destroy homes. That Zayn—” 

“My God, Minerva,” Niall says dismally. “He’s your son’s best friend.” 

“If you must listen… listen to me first. Did you see the way he looks at Liam? There is lust there, and more. You should keep an eye on your husband if you want to keep—” 

“Stop it, Minerva. Please, stop it.” 

“I am just telling you to be careful.” 

“Quit it. Liam would never do that to me. He loves me. Stop trying to make me distrust him.” With a heavy sigh, he drops his work on the table and goes upstairs. Ashton chances a look at his mother weeping silently. Ashton and Colette leave their duty. The girl goes to their mother to comfort her and Ashton to Niall and Liam’s room where Niall is already in front of his desktop, drawing in his digital pad. Ashton clears his throat. 

“Thank you for defending Liam and Zayn. Honestly, I don’t know what Mama is thinking. She used to like Zayn a lot.” 

Niall smiles and continues to draw. “Yeah. Liam tells me how different you mother is in the past. She was not like that, he says.” 

“True. Ever since Papa passed away…” he shuffled awkwardly to his feet. “But you know, back there, I really thought you were jealous of Zayn.” 

His brother-in-law lets out a breath. “I was. But you know what I was thinking when Liam introduced us to each other? That whatever Liam and Zayn had does not come close to what Liam and I have. They did not get acquainted because of a fight over a Stephen King book in the public library. They did not kiss under mistletoe propped up as a joke during Saint Patrick’s Day. They did not attend a comic-con dressed as Deadpool and Spiderman, or considered a five-hour marathon of _The Amazing World of Gumball_ as their first date, or get kicked out of the dormitory because of a petty lover’s quarrel. Liam did not ask Zayn’s hand for marriage during graduation ceremony. And Zayn did not say yes while crying too much, his answering speech almost incoherent. They did not get married nor took an oath that only death shall take them apart. They never did all of that. Liam and I did. That’s why I scolded myself earlier for worrying and for considering Zayn as a threat.” 

Ashton just had to smile at his brother-in-law appreciatively. 

At ten that evening, Liam returns home. Ashton is already in bed that time, although far from falling asleep. He hears his brother open their door, and in the silence of the night, he hears him and Niall make love. He blushes and buries his head in his pillows. _I need a room with thick walls,_ his mind says. 

Then suddenly, his mid turns to what he and Niall conversed earlier, about Liam and Minerva and Zayn and all. Niall says, with his and Minerva’s feudal and precocious relationship, if Minerva won’t do anything to this ‘destroyer of home’ problem if Zayn is a girl. After all, she is not approved of same-sex relationships. Won’t his mother turn out to be a hypocrite? 

Whatever happens, Ashton assured him, Liam will choose you over Ma. Because, even if this might sound disrespectful and sad, our real mother already died with Pa, replaced by this poor substitute who only cares for God. 

Whatever may happen, Ashton continued to say, you have my vote. 

~~~

On Monday, Ashton sees Zayn talking intimately with the school nurse, Perrie Edwards, while he is by his locker. He decides in that moment to put the issue of Zayn and Liam out of his mind, and call it over. 

“Ashton.” 

The boy yelps in surprise. Eleanor and Calum walk up from behind him. “What do you want?” he asks. 

“We are just heading to our room. Club meeting, remember?” Calum probes. 

“Why are you looking at Mr. Malik and Ms. Edwards?” Eleanor inquires. 

“No reason. They just look good together, is all,” Ashton answers. The three walks side by side with one another to the choir room. 

“So how’s your date with Luke?” Eleanor asks. 

“Not again. I told you it was not a date. Camila was with us. We just watched that stupid alien movie then went home.” 

“No kiss goodnight?” 

“None.” 

“No ‘let’s do this again’ or ‘hope there’s a next time but with just the two of us’?” 

“No… well, he did tell me that next time I will pay for the popcorn.” 

Eleanor squeals. “This is why I ship real life people. Because there is progress! Calum, tell him the very important information. Go, tell him!” 

Calum rolls his eyes at the girl’s enthusiasm. “Luke is bisexual.” 

“And so what?” Ashton says. “I’m actually straight.” 

“Shut up, Ashton,” Eleanor chides, still full of zeal. “Everybody is a little gay inside. It is an indispensable lesson in life that you must know, dear Ashton. Brazen it out! And speaking of, there he is.” 

Luke runs to them from the end of the hallway and slings his arm around Calum’s shoulders. “Good afternoon. We’re not late for our meeting, are we?” 

Calum peeks at his wristwatch. “We still have seven minutes.” 

“Oh, good. What were the three of you talking about earlier?” 

“What’s up between Michael and Calum,” Ashton lies. Calum glares at him for changing the subject.

“I’ve wondered about that, too,” Luke says. “Like you bear a deep hatred towards him, Cal.” 

The boy in question reddens. “Can we not talk about it? Makes my blood boil just remembering how stupid his face had been that time in middle school.” 

They reach their room and see that Camila and Michael are already there. Kane Robb and Shirley Roberts are in their office adjacent to the choir room. The three takes their seats. 

At exactly five o’clock, Kane and Shirley enter the room to start the meeting. Ashton is bewildered, however, thinking about Lauren, Louis and Harry. They have not yet arrived. Have they really meant not to pursue the club after the audition? Traitors, he thinks grimly. 

But 15 minutes in (after Shirley’s boring discussion of New Direction’s history), his three friends arrive. Quite dramatically, if he may add. And their faces still bearing hesitation. 

“I knew you’d come!” Kane exclaims, slapping their backs in a friendly manner. Camila rises to her feet, even, excitedly to greet them. 

The rest just shares a look of bafflement. 

~~~

“Camila and Mr. Robb saw Louis, Harry and I in the cafeteria this afternoon. They approached us, and talked about the club and how wonderful it is that we are joining. I interrupted them, told them that my audition was only for a bet and I am not interested. Louis does not want to be bullied any more than I am. And Harry is attached to Louis. In the end, they gave us the talk and…” a deep breath there. “…and let us just say that we are moved. We’re willing to give it a try now,” Lauren explains after school in the Lima Bean. 

“What kind of talk, if I may ask?” Michael asks while picking on his nose. Eleanor slaps his hand in disgust to stop him. 

“About his own time in glee club. You know, the clichés. Bullied. Sang. Became happy with life. Blah-blah-blah. It doesn’t matter now,” Lauren says, seemingly troubled. “Nothing matters.” 

“Hey, that’s my line,” Ashton scowls. 

“I’m still pissed about joining that club, anyway,” Louis says. “I will just be doing this for Harry’s sake. Because for some reason, Marcel wants to be in that stupid choir.” 

Eleanor smiles sweetly. “Of course you are doing this for Harry.” She did not catch Louis’ last sentence. 

Harry is blushing beside him and kisses him on the cheek. 

”So, what now?” Ashton asks. “We’re all going down on this for real? Prepare to be slushied tomorrow? Get pushed in the lockers? Prepare for a sanguinary battle every day? Get picked on by Sue Sylvester?” 

“Probably,” his friends answer in unison. 

“Fine, then,” Ashton says, taking the lead. “I think we should find a good song now. For our first weekly project. ‘Homecoming’ was it? For the alumni homecoming? Very well. Let’s do it.” 

~~~

Late that evening, Lauren calls Ashton to confess why she is still troubled. It is not all because of Kane’s talk that she decided to join the club (Louis and Harry might have totally been moved but not her). It was because Camila leaned in to whisper something in her ear before she and Kane left them. 

“She said she wants me in the club,” Lauren whispers. “And she said she always gets what she wants.” 

~~~

Alumni Homecoming, Friday. 

“You’ll Always Find Your Way Back Home” by Miley Cyrus 

Camila appears on stage first and sings, _“You wake up it's raining and it's Monday_

_Looks like one of those rough days_

_Times up you're late again so get out the door.”_

Then Lauren joins her. _“Sometimes you feel like running_

_Find a whole new life and jump in_

_Let go get up and hit the dance floor.”_

_”When the lights go down it's the ending of the show,” Lauren and Camila sings together,_

_“And you're feeling like you've got nowhere to go_

_Don't you know”_

Louis and Harry comes up on stage to give the chorus, _“You can change your hair. You can change your clothes_

_You can change your mind, that's just the way it goes_

_You can say goodbye and you can say hello_

_But you'll always find your way back home.”_

_You can change your style you can change your jeans_

_You can learn to fly and you can chase your dreams_

_You can laugh and cry but everybody knows_

_You'll always find your way back home.”_

_“Your best friends, your little home town_

_Waiting up wherever you go now_

_You know that you can always turn around,”_ Ashton awkwardly sings. Luke puts his arms around his shoulders lightly to sing _to_ him. 

_“Cuz' this world is big and it's crazy_

_And this girl is thinking that maybe_

_This life is what some people dream about.”_

_Then, it was Eleanor’s turn, “Cuz' when I'm feeling down_

_And I'm all alone_

_I've always got a place where I can go_

_Cuz' I know”_

Then Michael and Calum. 

_“You can change your hair. you can change your clothes_

_You can change your mind , that's just the way it goes_

_You can say goodbye and you can say hello_

_But you'll always find your way back home_

_You can change your style you can change your jeans_

_You can learn to fly and you can chase your dreams_

_You can laugh and cry but everybody knows_

_You'll always find your way back home”_

_“And they know exactly who you are,”_ Lauren. 

_“Where the real you is a superstar,”_ Harry. 

_You know it's never too far away,”_ Camila. 

Then all of them joins together in front of the glee alumna. 

_“You can change your hair. You can change your clothes_

_You can change your mind, that’s just the way it goes_

_You can say goodbye and you can say hello_

_But you'll always find your way back home_

_“You can change your hair. You can change clothes_

_You can change your mind, that’s just the way it goes_

_You can say goodbye and you can say hello_

_But you'll always find your way back home”_

_“You can change your style you can change your jeans_

_You can learn to fly and you chase your dreams_

_You can laugh and cry but everybody knows_

_You'll always find your way back home”_

_“You'll always find your way back home”_

_“You'll always find your way back home”_

_“You'll always find your way back home”_

_“You'll always find your way back home”_

_“You'll always find your way back home.”_

~~~

They leave the school with the alumna dancing around the bonfire. Ashton catches sight of his own brother amidst the crowd before they leave the school premises and walk away under the city lights. 

“Who is excited to graduate and be one of those cool, accomplished people?” Eleanor asks. She raises her hand at her own question. “I know I am.” 

“Oh, that’s right. You’ll graduate next year,” Camila says. She looks slyly at Lauren who cowers on Ashton’s side. “Such a shame only a year with you and after that we have to find new members again.” 

“Harry will still be with you after we graduate,” Louis says. 

Sometimes Ashton wants to punch Louis in the face for being too careless. The sophomore walking closely by his side has an indiscernible expression on his face. He’s thinking of the next two years without the love of his life, Ashton thinks. It’s probably more than two years if Louis won’t return here and if Harry will attend a different college. Consider this as the last year they will have with each other. 

“It was a good number we had today,” Luke says. “I’m surprised no one talks about that.” 

The group has no answer for that either. They walk on away from school until they reach an intersection and they separate paths from Lauren and Michael. Then a tube passes by and Camila and Eleanor get a lift. Another crossroad, another ride, and soon only Luke and Ashton are walking together in that warm August night. It should be a surprise to the older boy but somehow he had foreseen this. 

In the pass, Ashton had never seen someone walk this part of the road from school. That too, will have to change this year. He wills himself not to mind it too much. 

“So, I’ve heard about this thing from Michael. About your easygoing, apathetic attitude,” Luke says quietly, looking ahead. 

_In short, an asshole,_ Ashton thinks. “What of it?” 

“Nothing. I am just wondering… why?” 

The older boy heaves a sigh. “Is it not true? We give meaning to life and everything and everyone we come across with but they will be gone and forgotten. Every memory we have, every action, will all be consigned to oblivion. Why bother? Nothing ever lasts. Why waste time? “ There are more reasons, though for now, that will have to suffice. He is tired. 

“That’s pretty deep. And I still don’t understand because you joined the glee club.” 

Ashton frowns. “And what does that have to do with me?” 

Luke copies the confused expression on his face. He really appears puzzled as if he can’t figure out what is Ashton made out of. Afterwards, the confusion clears up replaced by a smile. “I will tell you. Why don’t we meet again to talk about that? This weekend.” 

“Fine. I will bring Eleanor along.” 

Luke shakes his head firmly. “No. I am meaning just the two of us. Is it still okay with you?” 

“It’s fine.” 

“Good.” The transferee smiles again. “I’m not really sure if I can make it this Saturday so perhaps… Sunday morning?” 

“I can’t. I have to attend Sunday mass.” 

“Okay. In the afternoon, then? I will meet you here, in the waiting shed in front of the Co-op.” He points to the store pass beside the vandalized walls. 

Ashton agrees. _This young man wants to challenge me in my beliefs,_ he thinks grimly. _Look at him, smiling at me like he can change me by merely existing. How dare him._

But in his mind, he wonders. Some things have stirred in him ever since this young fellow showed up. Like how he cares for Harry, and how he’s concerned for Lauren, and how he’s intrigued by Michael and Calum’s past, and how he wants happiness for Liam and Niall. 

Wait. No. that can’t be right. These subtle things are all in him before he met Luke. It is the awareness for all these when Luke appeared. That’s it. He needs to take caution. He must subjugate this fear he feels for this boy. 

“Can I ask you why you transferred school?” Ashton asks suddenly, surprising himself. 

“I will tell you this Sunday, so you have something to look forward to.” 

With nothing more to say, Luke mutters, “It was a good number we had today, wasn’t it?” 

“That’s true,” Ashton agrees. “It was a good number.” 

END OF CHAPTER TWO 


	3. Acceptance and Denial

Chapter Three 

"Ashton has a date! Ashton has a date!" Colette sing-songs while running up and down the hallway in their house. 

Ashton runs after her and covers her mouth. "Shut up, you ugly little freak! If Mom hears you..." But their mother is not home yet. She stayed in their church for a bible study and who-knows-what-else seminars. Colette looks at him expectantly, knowing full well he had nothing more to supply to his statement. He lets her go. "I just don't want you running around screaming about it. It's really irritating." 

"You have a date," Colette teases again. 

"Fine," Ashton throws his arms in the air in defeat and rolls his eyes. "If that's what you think it is. I don't care." 

Consequently, his sister becomes sad. "You know I hate it when you act like that, Ash. That uncaring attitude of yours. If you must know, I only act like this way because this is how I show affection. But it looks like I'm offending you very much." 

"Stop pouting, you idiot," Ashton says and pats Colette's head. "I know if that is just the way you are." 

That brings back the smile on Colette's face. "So who is your date? Is she pretty? Have I seen her before?"

Ashton turns away. He glances at the grandfather clock at the end of the hallway. He has an hour to prepare for his meeting with Luke.

"Ashton?"

"Oh, yes. She is very pretty. Even prettier than your boyfriend."

He hears Colette scoff behind him and stomp her way to her room, slamming the door shut. He does nothing. Little sisters always act like that. He heads to Liam and Niall's room, knocks softly and enters to see Niall on his desk, working on a deadline. Liam is not home yet, as he is in a police headquarters to research some materials for his book.

Briefly, he tells Niall of his meeting with a schoolmate and the uncertainty of the time of his return.

"I'm sure it won't take long," Ashton says. After all, that kid will only tell me what does glee club has to do with my attitude and why did he change schools. And explain to Ashton, most probably, the conundrum that he is. And now that I think about it, why have I agreed to this meeting in the first place? It's not like he can't tell me that in school.

His brother-in-law asks him to wait first for either Liam or Minerva, whoever comes first, he is busy on this assignment and he can't watch over Colette and the house.

In the end, he arrives only twenty minutes late. He had left quickly when Liam arrived, barely giving any word to his brother and sprinting out the house. It is rude to keep someone waiting. Niall will explain to Liam for him.

He reaches the cooperative and spots Luke sitting on the wooden bench in front. The boy wears a black shirt that says 'I Won't Keep Calm and You Can Fuck Off', greatly contrasting with his happy, smiling face upon seeing him. Ashton almost laughs at the irony.

"I was scared you stood me off," Luke says, rising from where he's seated.

"Yeah. There was no one to watch over our house. I had to wait for my brother to come home," Ashton explains. "So what is it? Tell me the reason of your transfer... And the other one."

Luke is still smiling when he says, "But Ashton, you need not hurry. May we sit down? We have all afternoon for our date."

For a moment Ashton is not sure if what he heard is right. His mind replays it for him while he is staring stupidly at Luke's smiling face. _Oh shit,_ he thinks in horror. "Oh shit," he mutters in disbelief. "Is this what it's supposed to be? A date? I'm sorry... I don't-- I'm not gay."

There is hurt on Luke's expression and great puzzlement. "I thought..."

"I'm sorry. I'm not. Honestly, where did you get that idea?"

"Eleanor. She told me that you like me, too. You're just afraid to make the first move."

 _Damn bitch!_ Ashton thinks. What went through her mind?

"I'm sorry. This is really stupid of me," Luke mutters in shame, the confidence he held earlier gone. "And deeply embarrassing . I... I should go."

And no. Ashton does not want this to happen. If he does not fix this, it will ruin whatever the two of them share, after all, he did find Luke interesting when he met him (but seriously, when did he begin to care?). He needs to fix this. He will just have to make Eleanor pay later.

"Wait," he says and grabs hold of Luke's wrist.

"Please, Ashton," Luke pleads, looking down to his feet. "It's ruined. Just let me go. Forget this ever happened."

"Shut up," Ashton snaps. He wants to say something more, something witty or anything to lighten Luke up. But there is nothing. "Just... Don't go?"

"And do you care?" Luke asks, eyes still not meeting his. He leaves.

 _What would Liam do if Niall walks out on him? Or Louis to Harry?_ Ashton thinks wildly. There are many things that come into his mind, but he does not act out any of it. Very quickly, he catches himself invoking the aid of God. Immediately, he stops. When he comes into his senses, Luke is already so far away. He is alone.

~~~

He confronts Eleanor when he sees her in school the next day by the drinking fountain. He let's his anger show. No use of controlling his temper. What Eleanor did is wrong and no one in the whole world would refute that.

"How was your date?" Eleanor asks with a shaky smile.

"How do you think, Eleanor?" he grits. His body is starting to tremble in rage. "Do you know how much I want to strangle you right now?"

Eleanor inhales deeply, holds it and looks at him with guilt, eyes wavering. She seems ready to explode. She breathes out. "I'm really, _really_ , really sorry, Ashton. Please don't be mad. Please."

"And why not?" Ashton spats. "You lie to Luke and now things will be awkward between us."

"I know. I know. But I really thought you feel the same way to Luke."

"For Pete's sake, El, knock yourself out and tune in your nuts and bolts."

"Don't be mad now. I know now that you don't like Luke that way. I will stop it now. Please don't be angry," the girl begs, starting to cry.

"And what will you do about the boy?" Ashton demands. "It's not easy to undo what you've done."

To that, Eleanor just shrugs and weeps. She keeps muttering her apologies and her 'I-don't-knows'. Though Ashton could have comforted Eleanor, he is still mad (damn it all, he has every right). He stands right in front of her, fists clenching by his sides, waiting for an answer.

"Excuse me. Is she all right?" comes a polite voice. Ashton looks up, sees Josh Devine in his ridiculous football jacket, and looks away again.

"This is nothing, Devine. We are just sorting some things out," he says while Eleanor dabs her tears dry with her handkerchief.

"I'm fine," Eleanor croaks, and smiles at the newcomer gratefully.

Josh does not look convinced, but he opts to dismiss it. "Well. I would like to apologize for how my teammates treated you last Friday." He is talking about that time when the Titans plus the Cheerios (always in an alliance with one another) set up a bucket of slushie in the ceiling in the hallway leading to the auditorium. Lauren, Michael and Ashton were walking there to get to their weekly project when they trip over the thread and all the bucket's contents poured all over them. That was the second time Ashton gets slushied. The first time was in the cafeteria where Courtney Wilkes, a cheerleader, also taunted him for having a "gay brother".

"That was expected, Devine," Ashton says with a shrug. "They -- you -- are in the football team and we are in the glee club. It ought to happen, even though I hate it. You know, falling victim to everybody's hostile nature. Everyday episodes of your aggression and our subversion, be engulfed by your bullying tactics, making this school a hell lot shittier. It happens."

"If you hate it then why did you join that club?" Josh asks.

"Trying something new," he answers. And also because of a ridiculous bet between a girl who is now scared a bit less of a sweet yet probably diabolical girl and a boy who just wants to spite his middle school 'friend', Ashton might have added.

"Do you want to try our club?" Eleanor asks shyly. "We're still short of people."

"No. I don't think so. But I thank you anyway for the offer," Josh says. "I will leave you two, now. Be careful next time."

"I hope he changes his mind," Eleanor whispers as they watch him leave.

Ashton looks at her questioningly and she stares back blankly. Then, they remember where they had left off and they return to their position. But Eleanor is still not speaking and so Ashton leaves her with a bad mood.

~~~

All of them are already in the club room when Ashton reaches it. He finds them huddled together, looking over at something Michael is holding. Photographs, it seems like.

"What is that?" Ashton asks to announce his presence.

They all look up at him and Ashton can't guess what are on their minds. The looks they're giving him are unnerving. Michael holds the pictures up. "Here," he says, "are our freshmen and sophomore pics. I found all these in my locker. I guess I must have dumped them there a long time ago and forgotten about them. Look here. You're so cuddly, Ash, and full of smiles. Luke said you're like a mythical creature."

Luke does not meet Ashton's gaze. Ashton can see the tips of his ears turning pink.

"You look so different," Camila says. "What happened?"

"His father died two years ago," Lauren supplies. Ashton glares at her.

"Oh, dear. I'm sorry," Camila runs over to embrace him. "Oh, you poor, poor darling."

Ashton just gives in to the embrace (as of course there is nothing else he can do) and still glares at Lauren over Camila's shoulder. His friend just stares back, with that annoying little look that she could only have gotten from Louis. Really, he is friends with idiots.

The clock in the room strikes five and immediately Kane and Shirley strides in inside the room. The students find their seats. With subtlety, Ashton sits in front between Calum and Camila like the affair and Luke's comment is of little importance to him.

"I just want to congratulate you all first for the amazing performance last Friday. The glee alumna were very proud!" Shirley exclaims excitedly. A round of comments and suggestions followed which they carefully take note of. "And before I reveal this week's project, maybe we can have a solo number as a kick starter? Just anything under the sun. Who would like to volunteer?"

A few hands shot up in the air. Ashton did not bother to look whose they are. Then Eleanor is called in front. And in her shy manner, she sings:

"Wooly Clouds" by Little Auk

_"We paint the sky_

_The brightest blue_

_With wooly dots of clouds_

.

_"You take my hand_

_You play around_

_In the greenest grass_

.

_"Today you crown me your Prince_

_With your blinkin' eyes_

_We play hide 'n seek_

.

_"In the meltin' sun_

_We're both invisible_

_You take my hand 'n_

_Drag me through this_

_Unsuspicious crowd_

.

_"Today you crown me your Prince_

_With your tender lips_

_Jump with me_

_Hold onto the meltin' sun_

_Climb upon a cloud_

_Let the whole world pass us by_

.

_"Today you crown me your Prince_

_Your Majesty_

_Today you crown me your Prince_

_And I declare you mine"_

Interesting, Ashton thinks. His friend has probably a crush on Josh freaking Devine (if he put 2 and 2 together right). There are a number of amazing facts he is learning in his senior year. And this is only the second week of classes. He wonders if he can use that as revenge to Eleanor.

Louis and Michael greatly forbids him from doing so. He has not told him about his plan, but finding out about the Sunday incident from Eleanor herself, they confront him after the club meeting in the school lobby with a claim they know him all his life and they know what he is thinking. Ashton reasons that this is for the best and thus will teach Eleanor a lesson.

"Maybe. But you don't do that to a girl, Ashton," Michael says. "Trust me. Things would go worse if you do that. Like that time when Belle and I broke up because I told Eric and has a crush on him and Belle is greatly displeased with me. Or that time Aurora and I broke up when I told Adam her crush on him and that sneaky little bitch and that spoiled rich dick ended up together."

Louis just looks pointedly at him and says, "El already apologized to you. What more do you want?"

"You're the one to say," Ashton mumbles. "Eleanor didn't do it to you."

"Actually," Michael interrupts, gathering some books in rhetorics from his locker. "Louis is her first casualty. She is the one responsible for the Larry Stylinson going on around here, remember? Louis hates it too at the beginning. Now he wants to have a family and make little heirs with Harry's genes."

"I'm right here, Clifford!"

"The point is, maybe Eleanor is right and you are overreacting."

"And what do you suppose you want me to do?" Ashton asks, aggravated.

"Anything but fucking up her life," Louis says. "If you want revenge, I can help you. I know that whatever you are planning now is not a manly thing to do. It's more like what a woman, or a child, would do to get even. Is Colette getting into your head?"

"What's your plan?" Ashton asks of him.

"Come on, guys," Michael says. "Eleanor is still our friend. Moreover, Luke did not mind you that much at the meeting earlier. Just forget what happened and move on."

"You can't expect me to forget what happened."

"Why not?" Michael and Louis chorus. Ashton pales.

"Because you're both idiots. Where is Harry?"

"In some group meeting for a subject. Why?"

"Nothing."

"Now don't you go changing the topic, young man," Louis says in a reprimanding tone. "Just tell us the truth."

"I, er, well. Okay, okay. I'm curious about Luke. A little intrigued. And maybe i did want to befriend him but Eleanor, being the interloper that she is..."

"Now, now," Louis begins, then he sees something behind Ashton and he freezes. "Uh-oh."

The football team are coming towards their way, all laughing maniacally, as if enjoying a private joke.

"Boo bear!" One of them mockingly calls. They cornered them to the wall. "Isn't that what Marcel calls you?" He snickers.

"We don't have time for this, Philip," Louis fires back calmly.

"And what do you have time for?" Another one asks. He is a big guy with red hair and a huge mole between his lips and nose. "Getting fucked by Styles all night long?"

"Geeze, Piggy, that is lame," Michael says. "Can't you think of a better joke?"

The boy (now baptized as Piggy)'s face darkens. He takes a step forward to Michael and looks down at him. "No one wants your opinion." He shoves Michael hard into the wall. "Fag."

Philip and the rest of his teammates start to laugh. Another comments, "Only gay losers join the glee club and sing."

Ashton sighs loudly. "Fuck off."

Piggy interrupts. "Hey, aren't you the one with the gay brother? The fag who got married this summer?"

"Yes, he's the one," his teammates confirm.

"I see. So you're turning to be a fag yourself? My mother tells me that gays are the scum of the earth and as a divine duty my forebears have prescribed, I have to--"

Michael suddenly laughs that cuts Piggy's sentence off. "When did your mother tell you that? When you're fucking her in bed?"

Piggy's fist hits Michael's jaw. There is commotion and before he knows it, Ashton is exchanging blows with three buff guys. He manages to punch Philip's nose flat and kick someone's gut hard. At the corner of his eye, he sees Louis struggling out of a guy's hold and Michael getting stomped on. Then there is a shout, ordering them all to stop. They look around. Zayn Malik is glaring at them, with Calum and Eleanor by his side. Their fellow glee members must have been just passing by, saw them and called on the teacher.

"Get the hell out of here, all of you," Zayn says. "Fighting in the school premises is not tolerated. If I see you do it again, God knows what I will do to your sorry asses."

The Titans start to complain. Seeing that it will be fruitless, they back out. But Piggy has to open his mouth, the bastard. "Just trying to scare off the fags on earth, Sir. Like this guy's brother."

"What did you say?"

Ashton sees it; sees the killing intent on Zayn's eyes. It is frightening. All the others just have felt it, too, for they are looking at the teacher warily, terrified. Zayn walks over to Piggy. The pig is bigger, taller, but in that moment Zayn seems to tower over him.

"I dare you to repeat what you said about Liam," Zayn says coldly. "Go on."

The boy swallows. He does not want to say anything anymore but he is _ordered_ to. "Fag."

Two things happened in the half of the second that follows. Zayn's fist is raised, about to connect to the student's face. A gunshot is heard, echoing in the halls. All of them stop mid-track and look wildly around. Holy shit, they think. Is that Sue Sylvester holding a gun? Did she just fire it to the ceiling? Is that legal?

"All of you, in my office. Now!" She yells. "Even you, Malik."

~~~

The students involved are given one week of detention as punishment and letters will be sent to their parents to report of their conduct. Calum takes Michael to the infirmary as soon as Sue dismisses them while Louis and Ashton just wants to go home. Ashton had wanted to stick around longer to wait for Zayn, but having no real reason why (Thank him for defending his brother? Ask him why he's so pissed? Tell him not to tell this incident to his family?), he leaves the school with Louis and Eleanor.

Louis is silent on the trip. When they are nearing the bus stop, Ashton gets him to confessed that he is worried of the adversary they will suffer on the next days. Ashton admits that he is too while Eleanor tells them that she is already being picked on by the other girls. Louis separates from them and Eleanor and Ashton are assured with full knowledge that Louis won't quit the club. Maybe for Harry, or definitely for himself.

"Hey..." Eleanor awkwardly starts when Louis' bus has gone from their view.

"Hey." Ashton answers lamely and does not look in her direction. Fuck's sake, he thinks, and takes a deep breath. Why does he has to make this hard? He can always forgive Eleanor. What the heck.

"Mr. Malik must really care for your brother deeply, don't you think? For him to almost hit Gustav."

Ashton snorts. "His name is Gustav? I much prefer Piggy. Suits him better."

"That's not nice, Ash," Eleanor says and stops.

She knows if she'll elaborate on that, I will start a list of what's not nice, Ashton muses. For example, she lying to Luke. Hell be damned. "We're okay now, all right?"

Eleanor looks at him wide-eyed. "You forgive me? You mean that?"

Ashton shrugs. "You won't do it again and I know I can't survive high school without my best friend."

The Cheerio gives him a grateful smile. "Yes, you can't survive without me." She holds out a hand. "Friends?"

Ashton takes it. "Friends."

Maybe only God knows how easy they forgive.

~~~

The New Direction's new applicant, Josh Devine, surprises the whole club.

"Is this seriously happening?" Lauren asks in the auditorium.

"Why does it seem like you're forbidding me? I've been told that you're short of people. You should be happy for a new applicant."

"But you will be bullied by your own teammates," Harry presses on.

"They bullied you first. Consider this as my apology for their behaviour," replies Josh calmly as he climbs on the stage.

"I think that's too much for an apology," Eleanor remarks softly to which Josh smiles reassuringly at.

"Maybe. And maybe I want to spend some time with you, too."

Eleanor blushes terribly, and Lauren and Camila began to tease her.

Josh sings a Belle and Sebastian piece with bravura and goes on like this:

"There's Too Much Love" by Belle and Sebastian

_"I could hang about and burn my fingers_

_I've been hanging out here waiting for something to start_

_You think I'm faultless to a 't'_

_My manner set impeccably_

_But underneath I am the same as you_

.

_"I could dance all night like I'm a soul boy_

_But you know I'd rather drag myself across the dance floor_

_I feel like dancing on my own_

_Where no one knows me, and where I_

_Can cause offence just by the way I look_

.

_"And when I come to blows_

_When I am numbering my foes_

_Just hope that you are on my side my dear_

.

_"But it's best to finish as it started_

_With my face head down just staring at the brown formica_

_It's safer not to look around_

_I can't hide my feelings from you now_

_There's too much love to go around these days_

.

_"You say I've got another face_

_That's not a fault of mine these days_

_I'm brutal, honest and afraid of you_

.

_"It's safer not to look around_

_There's no hide my feelings from you now_

_There's too much love to go around these days_

.

_"You say I've got another face_

_That's not a fault of mine these days_

_I'm honest, brutal and afraid of you."_

The piece somehow lifted Kane and Shirley's spirits up. Earlier, the two coaches were reprimanded by a tyrannical Sue about the fight the glee club members had engaged in the other day. They were warned to keep their students' attitudes in check, or else. But, as said, Josh's piece made them positive. And by God. There are now ten members of the club! Only two more and they will be qualified for sectionals. Now is not the time for negativity.

~~~

On Friday, before Michael, Louis and Ashton serve detention, they went with their fellow club members in the hall to perform their weekly project.

"Marching On" by One Republic

It was Louis who opens the song, 

_"For those days we felt like a mistake,_

_Those times when love's what you hate,_

_Somehow we keep marching on._

Then Luke...

_"For those nights when I couldn't be there,_

_I've made it harder to know that you know_

_That somehow we'll keep moving on._

Then all of the boys jump in for the chorus...

_"There's so many wars we fought,_

_There's so many things we're not,_

_But with what we have,_

_I promise you that_

_We're marching on_

_(We're marching on)_

_(We're marching on)._

.

_"For all of the plans we've made,_

_There isn't a flag I'd wave,_

_Don't care if we bend,_

_I'd sink us to swim,_

_We're marching on_

_(We're marching on)_

_(We're marching on)._

When they are done, Lauren continues...

_"For those doubts that swirl all around us,_

_For those lives that tear at the seams,_

_We know we're not what we've seen,_

Camila joins her...

_"For this dance we'll move with each other._

_There ain't no other step than one foot_

_Right in front of the other._

Now it's the girls turn...

_"There's so many wars we fought,_

_There's so many things we're not,_

_But with what we have,_

_I promise you that_

_We're marching on_

_(We're marching on)_

_(We're marching on)._

.

_"For all of the plans we've made,_

_There isn't a flag I'd wave,_

_Don't care if we bend,_

_I'd sink us to swim,_

_We're marching on_

_(We're marching on)_

_(We're marching on)._

Calum sings...

_"We'll have the days we break,_

_And we'll have the scars to prove it,_

_We'll have the bonds that we save,_

_But we'll have the heart not to lose it._

Then Ashton...

_"For all of the times we've stopped,_

_For all of the things I'm not._

Now it is Harry's turn...

_"We put one foot in front of the other,_

_We move like we ain't got no other,_

_We go where we go, we're marching on._

And for the last part, the ten members of the glee club chorus...

_"There's so many wars we fought,_

_There's so many things we're not,_

_But with what we have,_

_I promise you that_

_We're marching on_

_(We're marching on)_

_(We're marching on)._

_We're marching on."_

.

_"For all of the plans we've made,_

_There isn't a flag I'd wave,_

_Don't care if we bend,_

_I'd sink us to swim,_

_We're marching on_

_(We're marching on)_

_(We're marching on)._

"What is that?" Ashton asks Luke as they climb off the stage. The latter seems to be holding something in his hand.

Luke hesitantly hands over a picture, one if the freshman photographs Michael showed them last Monday. "I have not returned it to Michael yet. Sorry."

Ashton stares at the picture in his hand. Is this really him? "Do I really look like a mythical creature in this?" He asks, eyes not leaving his photo.

"Kind of," Luke replies curtly.

"You can keep this," he says and is about to hand it back to the sophomore. But then, he realizes what he is doing. Ashamed, he draws back his hand. "If you want this, that is."

There is a long moment of pause. Ashton vaguely hears Michael and Louis calling him for detention. Then, Luke pulls the picture from his hand, holds it firmly, and smiles shyly at the floor. "Thank you. I'll keep this."

Ashton looks at him in surprise, but quickly recovers. "You're welcome."

END OF CHAPTER THREE


	4. Acceptance and Denial Pt. 2

Seven-year-old Ashton had woke up that evening because of the low yet very much audible voices outside the bedroom walls, downstairs. Ashton know it was late in the evening; it's very cold, the crickets were loud, and the neighbors are quiet. He laid still and listened. Papa's voice, then Liam's, then Mama's. Then Colette was crying from the nursery and Minerva rushed to get there and hush her back to sleep again. Ashton laid steady, fought the sleep off his eyes by alternating his gaze on his Batman action figures and a poster of Bohemia in a far wall.

 _Papa is angry at Liam,_ Ashton thought. Liam was not home for dinner. In fact, Liam was not yet home when he went to bed. He must have done something very bad.

A moment of silence, creaks on the stairs, then Liam entered their shared bedroom and flopped down on his bed. Ashton sat up and looked at his brother accusingly. "What did you do?"

Liam bolted upright, surprised that Ashton is still awake. Then the look of surprise turned into a happy smile. "I skipped school today with Danielle. I treated her to that fancy restaurant with my monthly allowance. I asked her to marry me and she said yes."

Ashton frowned. "You're only twelve years old. How can you marry her?"

"Well I'm sure I can find a job and, er..." Liam shrugged dismissively. "Whatever. You would not understand. You're a child."

"Girls are stupid!" Ashton exclaimed indignantly. "Get away from her and stop giving Papa headache, stupid turd!"

"What did you say? Take that back!" Liam yelled.

Ashton did not and they wrestled and shouted at each other until their father entered their room and beat the both of them up. That was the week their parents finally agreed to give Liam his own room, the week Ashton hated his brother, the week Liam received his first heartbreak when Danielle went and found herself a boyfriend.

But that is not the point. That shouldn't have been the point in the first place. The point is that Ashton is skipping school today with Luke, of all people. It happened because the day is simply beautiful to waste time in the school. Plus, almost every person around drives him to the brink of insanity; Minerva is crossed with him because of the letter she received and his detention; Liam and Niall are too lovey-dovey; Josh is weirded out by Eleanor's love of Kurtbastian; Louis called in sick so Harry's gloomy; Gustav bumped him hard in the shoulder in the hallway; Zayn kept discussing federal institutions and rehabilitations in East Asia but Ashton can't quite grasp any of it; Sue made a promise to always pick on him during PE; Michael and Calum's unresolved sexual tension is becoming too bothering, and; Lauren sang "All The Things She Said" by tATu so early in the clubroom. Really, someone should talk to Lauren and Camila about their cat and mouse game, it's starting to get irritating.

Ashton is about to lose his mind. Luke is the closest thing to normal Ashton can call so he grabbed the junior away from the hell of a place that is William McKinley High.

And now, they are in a cheap bookstore not far from the school. Ashton watches Luke scan the bookshelves for a good read. He, on the other hand, questions his brain for thinking that skipping school is a good idea. If his mother learns about this... Minerva is already too angry, about the letter and the detention. Heavens, Ashton needs to reevaluate himself as a son and as a student.

Ashton returns the book he has been pretending to read to its shelf. He's given up on it. Something about a morbid disease carried by a viceroy killing 222 inmates, one of them was just granted parole, in a penitentiary in an usurped dystopian village. He didn't really know. God, how does being institutionalize even feel? _Oops, be careful what you're thinking, Ash. Might offend somebody._ He taps Luke's shoulder.

"I'll leave now. You may go back to our school if you want. I'm sorry I dragged you here."

Luke bites his lip, hesitation evident in him. "Where are you going? Why aren't you coming back with me?"

"School drives me insane. I need to get further away before insanity catches me. I'll lose my mind."

"I'll go with you," Luke proclaims, hastening himself.

"You'd rather not," Ashton says coolly and turns to go. "Value your education, Luke."

"Come on," Luke says and catches up with him outside the bookstore. "I already missed my fourth class for this day. There's no point going back anymore. I'll go with you."

The older boy looks at him wildly before signing in defeat. "Fine. Where do you want to go now?"

"Well, there's this new ramen stall..."

And there they went and spent the next hour. After which, they saw Ed Sheeran in front of another bookstore, sitting on a bench and strumming his guitar. Ed Sheeran is another student of William McKinley High, a fourth year student, and a known truant. He only goes to school once a week (twice is already a pleasant surprise) and if there are exams which he barely passes (and that is still a miraculous feat). Once, before Christmas break, Ed popped in with a little hello to Sue Sylvester and asked her his current standing in the grading system. Receiving only sermons from the ill-tempered principal, he left the school whistling to the tune of William Tell.

Known to be the the cause of his truancy is his "hobby" of performing in the streets of Lima with his acoustic guitar. Ashton and Michael have seen many a time when they purchase the latest versions of some video games. When they ask Ed why doesn't he attend school, he would casually reply, "Academics is not for me, music is," while looking far on a distance with winds blowing on his red hair like the world is in complete agreement with his silly belief that they give him that dramatic effect.

And now, seeing Ed again tinkering with his guitar and having no care in the world, Ashton felt envy.

Luke pinches his arm. "Who is he? Why are you staring at him?"

Instead of answering, Ashton calls on to Ed. "Hey!" He calls, and pads over to where he sits, followed quickly by Luke.

The gingerhead looks at him in confusion. "Do I happen to know you?"

And, oh, yes. Ed is extremely forgetful of people. "I'm Ashton Irwin. This is Luke Hemmings. We're also from McKinley High."

A small recognition dawns on Ed's face. "Oh. Why? Is there an exam today I didn't know about?'

"We won't know. We're skipping school," Ashton answers.

Ed finally smiles in relief. "Good. Wow. Why did you? Is the voice of music calling to you as well?"

Luke, who is at the start confused, becomes a little creeped out by the former's statement and thinks the boy is a freak.

"There is no voice," Ashton replies, unfazed. "But we are from the glee club, if that helps."

"The glee club?" Ed asks. He looks at Luke to confirm this and the transferee nods sharply. The red head seems to consider this for a moment. Again he smiles and readies his guitar. "I composed a song the other day. The two of you should hear this one."

"Lego House" by Ed Sheeran

_I'm gonna pick up the pieces and build a Lego house_

_If things go wrong we can knock it down_

_My three words have two meanings but there's one thing on my mind_

_It's all for you_

. 

_And it's dark in a cold December, but I've got you to keep me warm_

_If you're broken I will mend ya and keep you sheltered from the storm that's raging on, now_

.

_I'm out of touch, I'm out of love_

_I'll pick you up when you're getting down_

_And out of all these things I've done, I think I love you better now_

_I'm out of sight, I'm out of mind_

_I'll do it all for you in time_

_And out of all these things I've done, I think I love you better now_

Luke has an indiscernible expression on his face when Ed is done, as if he's remembering something. Ashton notices this and decides he will ask him later about it.

"What do you think?" Ed asks.

Ashton answers "Good" and tells him when and where are the meetings of the glee club.

"Did you just.." Luke asks when they resumed their walk. "Did you just recruit a member for our club?"

"I don't know if you can call it recruiting," Ashton says, looking straight ahead. "More like trying to. After all, no one can guess what's on Ed's mind. He's a bit weird. But I think he looks fain enough...and interested." He chances a look on the younger boy and sees him staring at him in awe. He chuckles. "Come on. It's nothing."

"Still..." Luke whispers. He slings his arms around Ashton's shoulders. "Good job."

And Ashton. Ashton's stomach did a flip and he wonders what does that mean. It is pleasant, though, the feeling. And because it feels nice, and maybe he feels enthralled to do so, he presses himself closer to Luke's side.

They walk on and on to an unknown destination. The sun is high but the heat is unnoticeable. Ashton realizes his feet is not yet tired from walking. The pair veers to the left, to a cafeteria, and is met with a surprise.

Liam and Niall are just walking out of the cafeteria's door when they bump into the two students. The next scene is an awkward silence before Liam cuts it. "Why the bloody hell aren't you in school, Ashton Irwin?"

"Ummm... Err..."

"Who is this guy?" He asks again, glaring at Luke. "Is he the bad influence to you?"

"My name is Luke Hemmings, Sir.You must be Ashton's older brother. It is a pleasure to meet you," Luke greets politely.

"Ashton, go back to your school right NOW."

"Liam, I'm too old to get orders from you."

"Why, you rascal. Who taught you to talk back? What do you think you're doing? Why are you here?"

"Well, why are you here?"

"We're on a date," Niall answers, brimming with laughter. A little calm is finally bestowed to the group. "Don't mind us, Ash. Run along now and enjoy your own date."

Ashton and Luke both redden. "Oh, no. We're not having any..." "This is not a date."

"Don't spoil him, Ni," Liam says. "He should be in school, studying. Not with someone who looks like... Pardon me. Who are you again, son?"

"Luke Hemmings, sir. I'm also from the glee club, if you might remember me on your alumni homecoming."

"Don't mind him," Niall says again to the two younger boys. "During our second year in Uni, and when being betrothed is far in our minds, he grabbed me outside our university when we're supposedly taking our second exam in Political Science. He took me to the movies, bought me a new drawing set to bribe me, and in the night, we made out in the --"

"Hold on a second. I did not 'grab' you. You went willingly with me. And it was your idea to see the movies. I was supposed to just stay in the dormitory and watch The Amazing World of Gumball."

"No, no, no. You're remembering it wrong. It was I who had wanted to watch Gumball in our dorm but you had said that you're dying to see that new superhero movie so I acceded. And I paid for the popcorn and the tickets."

"Please. You paid for the popcorn and I paid for the tickets. I remember the movie was in 3D so it costed me a small fortune. I asked you to give your share for the ticket as soon as we got home. But when we reached our dorm, you pushed me into my bedroom --"

"Oh, I remember now. I was really pissed at you because of that exam in Political Science so I --"

"Yes, you rode me."

 _Peter's sake,_ Ashton thinks. _This is deadly embarrassing._ He looks sideways at Luke and finds him red in the face and holding in a laughter. Meanwhile, the two grown-ups are now bickering something about 'missed calls' and 'proper usage of lubricants'. He could not take it anymore. He grabs Luke and they left the place. When they are surely far away, in the children's park (geez, Liam and Niall did not even notice them leave), Luke lets out the laughter he was suppressing earlier.

"God, Ashton. You're brothers are adorable."

"Adorable? Are you insane? They're anything but. They're discussing their sex in a public place."

Luke just continues laughing, though. _No. That is adorable,_ Ashton thinks and stops. _Bloody Christ, what has gotten into my head?_

The younger of the two finally calms down and sits on a nearby bench. Ashton sits beside him.

"Three o' clock," Ashton reports after taking a peak from his wristwatch. "What do you think they're doing now in school?"

"I don't know. Possibly searching for us. Are they calling you?"

"I turned off my cellphone."

"I turned mine off as well. Don't want any bother for this day."

A moment of silence comes after that Ashton likes.

"Bit of an unusual day, yeah?" Luke asks suddenly. "We skipped school, we've recruited a new member, we met your brother and his husband. I wonder what the day has still in store for us."

Ashton does not answer, only hums lightly.

"Ed is inspiring," Luke says again. "I mean, he writes his own songs. Maybe we can write our own piece for the Sectionals. What do you think?"

"Maybe we can," Ashton says, truly liking the idea. "We can ask for my brother's help, or... Or..."

"We can have it as a group project."

"Yes. Remind me to approach Sir Robb and Miss Roberts tomorrow at our meeting."

"Okay," Luke says, nodding his head eagerly. The boy pauses, seeing something in the distance. Ashton follows his gaze. He sees a group of teenagers. Somehow they look familiar.

"Well, I did ask you what this afternoon has in store for us" Luke says, smiling uneasily as the aforementioned group nears to their spot. "Recognize them, Ash?" he asks.

"Yes," Ashton answers, remembering the one or two times Eleanor and Michael drags him to watch glee competitions on their school or any immediate institution. He remembers _that_ group, boasting of talent, powerful vocals and sick choreography. He remembers thinking how they show aggressiveness and not passion nor enjoyment in their performance. And, of course, he knows that group because they are considered to be New Directions' greatest rival here in Lima.

Vocal Adrenaline.

A girl perks up from the group as they pass by the two of them.

"Luke Hemmings, why aren't you in your Warbler suit?" she asks, and, turning to Ashton, greets pleasantly, "Good afternoon to you, little one."

"Good afternoon," Ashton replies. Suddenly he feels intimidated. He thinks out of nowhere, these are profesional performers. What am I doing in the glee club?

The girl, somehow, senses his fear. "Awww... Look. Someone's afraid? Why? New member of Warblers? What's your name, little one?"

"He's from the New Directions. And please stop calling Ashton little one, Cher. And before any of you asks, I transferred to McKinley High. I'm with him," Luke lets out in one breath.

A boy with short curly hair says, "Transferring schools won't help you win against us, Hemmings. And anyway, I've heard that New Directions are still short of members."

"We're recruiting," Ashton speaks up.

The still nameless boy looks at him with a hopeful expression. "Well I sincerely hope that you find enough members for the Sectionals. Frankly New Directions is the only group that is giving us real competition. A disgrace it will be if you cannot compete just because of lack of members. Without you, Sectionals will be a bore. No offense taken to the Warblers, Luke, I hope? Good. We bade you adieu."

His friends laugh at his faux dramatics as they go all on their way. Ashton hears them say things like "No chance" and "Losers" but he only shrugs in dismissal. But, man, they really look -no, they felt- formidable. It makes him feel like him being in the glee club is a big joke.

"Don't trust Nick's kind words," Luke says. "He's a really dirty player."

"Excuse me? How did you know--"

"I spent my freshman year in Carmel High. Nick and Cher -- Nick Jonas and Cher Lloyd-- they are my two bestfriends. We've always planned to be in the glee club... I'm sure you have seen a performance of Vocal Adrenaline at least once. They're great performers. And I felt back then how awesome it would be to be one of them. Turned out I am not that good to even try; not that good compared to Nick and Cher. The three of us have a competitive friendship of sorts, to say the least. And when Shelby Corcoran told me I don't have what it takes to be part of the Vocal Adrenaline, they outcasted me. One thing led to another. The next year I shifted schools and found myself in Dalton Academy."

"And then what happened?"

"Nah, man. Story for another day."

Ashton lets out a groan causing Luke to laugh fondly. Again, silent moment. Luke stares of a distance to children in the playground while Ashton's stare is at him. He's intrigued. Intrigued.

"What do you want to do next?" Luke asks, turning at him. In doing so, he catches the older boy staring at him. He chuckles. "My, have I caught your interest?"

"Go figure," Ashton stammers, blushing.

"Very well, I will keep being mysterious, then. Might keep you hooked. But in all seriousness, what are we to do next?"

"I don't know. Just wait here, perhaps? Wait for the next thing this day would give us."

They did so. But there is nothing more awaited them for the day. Not that they mind. By five o' clock they set foot on going home. They walk in silence and with comfort. When they reach the Cooperative where they usually part ways, Ashton is about to give an awkward goodbye. But Luke continues walking to Ashton's path. It is by this that Ashton thinks that Luke wants to walk him home.

Colette is in the porch when they reach the Irwin's house. His little sister was again on her cellphone with Tobias sleeping by her feet. The dog is old now, so Ashton decides that it can't be helped if he is constantly resting.

Colette sees the two high school boys. She stays to where she sits when Luke walks Ashton up to the porch and watches as the then unknown boy to her look shyly to his feet. _There is something happening here,_ she thinks.

"I had fun today," Luke says, still not looking at the older boy. "Might want to do it again."

"We can't," Ashton says. Luke suddenly looks up at him with shock and disappointment. He hears Colette make a _Tch_ sound in the background. "No, that's not what I mean, Luke. I'm all in in doing this again but maybe, next time, on a weekend or when there is no classes because, you know, skipping school is, you know, not good?"

Luke sighs in relief. "Yes, of course. We should go out on a weekend... next time. I'll see you tomorrow, then." He fidgets to his feet, looks at him with something of ambiguity, then quickly leans down to kiss Ashton in his left cheek. "Goodbye," he mutters then rushes to leave the premises.

"Is he your 'girlfriend' you were talking about before, Ash?" Colette teases. "And what do you mean you skipped school?"

Ashton pays her no mind. As he stares at the road to where Luke has gone, still getting over the fact that he was kissed by a boy, his mind is going wild, panicking, battering his head. He goes pallid. Never before had he face this dilemma, this teenage kind of dilemma. He intakes a breath, and whispers, "Oh, no."

Colette looks at him, an eyebrow raise. "What is it, Ash?"

"I think... I think I'm infatuated."

END OF CHAPTER FOUR

p


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter Five:

They count the days. They practiced under Ashton's command (somehow being intimidated by Vocal Adrenaline awakened his competitive spirit). They are doing everything they can to at least have a decent performance in Sectionals; at most, win. They try to get every help they can; Shirley and Robb give them input every time; Liam dropped by one time and he and Zayn taught them the blending of voices; Mercedes Jones visits once a week and helps them practice their vocals; that Sunday it was Michael Cohen Chang who gave them a dance workshop. They are going to make sure that even their littlest efforts are not bootless. The New Directions' members are still short of one, but they try to be optimistic. They can get one more member. If they managed to get Ed fucking truant Sheeran in their club, surely they can recruit another one. Of course.

How they wish.

However, this one time, when Sectionals is in a week, and they are all pressured and cranky and excited, Sue Sylvester proved to be the most heartless killjoy of all killjoys. The principal knocked on the choir room and announced that the school exams are rescheduled a day before the Sectionals. The New Directions groaned in protests and practically begged to have another reschedule. The principal shakes her head and says they are not qualified for a reschedule since the exam and their competition is not really happening on the same day. She then warns them that the group's examination results need to have an average of passing, or else they will face deliberation. She glares at Ed, then pulls out her mp3 player, plays William Tell, then happily walks away.

Shirley, who had had enough of the bullying they are getting from 'the principal in pajamas', leaves the room to the principal's office to have a proper talk. Kane follows her, cursing under his breath as his lady walks too fast he barely manages to keep up.

The students are left to worry among themselves. Luke tells his teammates not to worry too much. They can all study together for a night, and maybe they can also work on their original compositions while they are at it. And the next week, have a study partner or something until the exams.

"That's cool, actually," Lauren acknowledges. "Guys, I am smelling a sleepover here. Whose house are we going to attack? And when?"

"Tomorrow Friday, perhaps," Camila says. "And... my parents will hold a party, so my house is out of the question."

"Oh my gosh. Same here," Lauren exclaims.

"My parents are shut-ins," Michael says with a shrug.

"I won't recommend mine. It's too far," sighs Josh.

"My neighbor likes to party hard every Friday night. We won't be able to study if that will be the case," Calum explains.

"As fate would have it, all my sisters are going to be home tomorrow and I am afraid they will only distract and disturb us," Louis says.

"Grandma is still recovering from stroke," Harry says, frowning with concern.

"Our house is very small. We can't fit all of us there," Ed says. 

"Don't ask. I just don't want our group study to be in my house," Eleanor says.

"Well, I'm fine if we stay at our place," says Luke. "But for every third Friday of the month, my mom and my older sister hold a Twilight marathon night... They usually force people to watch those four movies with them."

They all groan.

That leaves them to stare expectantly at Ashton who has not yet made an excuse.

"Well, you can't just pass it on me," he scowls. "My mother --"

"Your mother will be happy if she realizes that the glee club is not a bad influence to you," Louis says, having heard the accusation from Minerva herself when he visited this past Saturday to ask Ashton help for Chemistry. "If she sees that we are studying together, you know, striving to get better grades, maybe she'll see that not all your decisions in life are total whacks. Like that decision to skip school and bring poor Luke with you."

Ashton glares at his friend. He brings his gaze down though in shyness when he catches Luke winking at him behind Louis' back.

"Oh, and we can ask your brother to help us improve our compositions," Lauren tells them. "Oh, and maybe your brother can also ask Sir Malik to come over to help us. They are best friends, right? Come on, Ash. For the glee club?"

Ashton sighs loudly. "Fine. In my house. But we are not calling Sir Malik to come over. Please."

Lauren pouts childishly. "Why not?"

"You might get distracted. And Camila will be jealous."

That results in Lauren blushing terribly and throwing her notebook at him and Camila getting sly again and bringing her hand on Lauren's thigh.

That may be part of the reason why he can't let Zayn come at their house. But the truth is, he can see Niall getting a little uncomfortable every time Liam talks about his closeness with his high school friend, even if the Irish lad denies it or not. His thoughts leads him to Minerva, and the possibility of her getting into Niall's head; she makes the boy distrust Liam. A being called Rationality will enter into his subconscious then, and threatens to kick his ass if he ever thinks that way again about his own mother.

_Seriously, Ashton, my stupid boy,_ Rationality says, _when did you start thinking that your mother is that low? Have some respect, young foolish man. And, for a fact, you are not trusting Liam, too. Even though you can see with your own eyes for every day that Liam and Niall are very much in love with each other, you are thinking that Zayn and his friendship with your brother can ruin it all. And do you think your respectable History teacher will destroy someone's marriage? Are you fucking kidding me?_

_Okay, okay. I get it now. I'm sorry,_ Ashton answers guiltily. _But still, I'm doing this for Niall._ Ashton then frowns at himself for having conversations with himself in his head. _God, I'm going out of my mind..._

_And when did I start to care?_

He looks up and sees Luke looking at him with concern. He smiles at the boy, as if telling him there's nothing to worry about. Luke nods slowly, getting the message.

Shirley and Kane stomps back inside the choir room, still obviously upset. "Why is she doing to us? This is so unfair!" Shirley cries. "Oh! I'm sorry to all of you, guys. I really am. That Sue Sylvester! Why, she can't listen to reason! She's blinded by her hate to our club."

"Don't worry, Miss Roberts," Ashton speaks up for the group. "We can handle this. We'll pass the exams and, yes, we will win the Sectionals for you."

Shirley clutches at her chest, as if touched by Ashton's promise. "Oh. Thank you! What can we do to help the lot of you?"

The students are shock by that. Ashton says, "Really, Miss, you've done more than enough. Really you are the reason why we are all here. We are just doing our part. "

But the female teacher appears to be thinking. Then she claps her hand as she gets to her Eureka moment. "I know now. Kane and I promise, that when you return here on Monday, you will see your twelfth and last teammate in glee club."

"Can we really do that, Shirley?" Kane asks, fully doubting his co-teacher. He receives a jab in his ribs as Shirley glares at him, insulted that he, of all people, is questioning the scope of her capacities.

Anyway, the students tell them of their group study in Ashton's house on Friday which the teachers find brilliant. So they are dismissed that Thursday and next day finds Ashton anxious about his friends sleeping over in his house. His mother is persuaded, of course. But he worries about his friends' behavior that might trigger Minerva to accuse them as bad influence to her son. Ed was a truant. Eleanor loves boy's love. Most of Josh's friends are bullies. Louis and Harry are gay for each other. Goodness, they must be in their best behaviors tonight.

"Ash," Luke suddenly calls from behind him that makes him jump. Ashton is just walking down the hallway to the auditorium for their weekly project, "Wrong Notions".

Luke chuckles lightly at Ashton's surprise expression and walks beside him. " I'm looking forward to meeting your family tonight. "

And Ashton, because he is incredibly dumb in detecting flirting, answers, "Well I would have loved it to meet yours but I just could not stand Twilight. Sorry, pal."

"No worries. I was really embarassed to admit that, though. But, on a related note, my parents heard about you from me... and they kind of want to meet you. But I told them not on their Twilight Marathon night." Luke sighs and looks troubled for a moment, as if realizing he is already talking too much. "Anyway, I hope your mother wants to meet me, too, even haply."

"She wants to meet you, all right. To apologize for the day I dragged you out of the school. Liam told her about it. I'm sorry."

Luke smiles bitterly. "I already must have gotten on the wrong foot with your brother."

"It was my fault. You don't have to look so sorry," Ashton consoles and nudges his shoulder at him.

There are people making "Awwwww" sounds behind them. They look around and see Eleanor and Michael cooing at them. Ashton reddens. "Shut up, Eleanor. And I thought I told you to stop --"

"Relax, Ash Potato," Eleanor laughs. "I'm just teasing a little. You know what a little larker I am. Breathe. Besides, number five spot is already filled by Rockefeller and Carnegie."

"Rockefeller and Carne... Are you out of your fucking mind? That's a blasphemy to American history!" Ashton yells.

Michael rolls his eyes. "Tell me about it. She made me read her fanfiction about those men. I am forever traumatized."

"You'll all thank me when I uncovered a conspiracy in our history...."

"GOD, STOP!!!" Michael and Ashton both say. Eleanor skips to the auditorium, unfazed, leaving three breathless boys; two from yelling, one from laughing really hard.

Eleanor just never learns.

~~~

"Viva la Vida" by Coldplay

Ed sings, _"I used to rule the world_

_Seas would rise when I gave the word_

_Now in the morning I sleep alone_

_Sweep the streets I used to own_

.

_"I used to roll the dice_

_Feel the fear in my enemy's eyes_

_Listen as the crowd would sing_

_"Now the old king is dead! Long live the king!"_

.

_"One minute I held the key_

_Next the walls were closed on me_

_And I discovered that my castles stand_

_Upon pillars of salt and pillars of sand_

.

All of them sings, _"I hear Jerusalem bells are ringing_

_Roman Cavalry choirs are singing_

_Be my mirror, my sword and shield_

_My missionaries in a foreign field_

.

_"For some reason I can't explain_

_Once you're gone there was never_

_Never an honest word_

_But that was when I ruled the world"_

~~~

They arrive at the Irwin household by five in the afternoon, with the last of the sunlight. Minerva welcomes them amiably enough and immediately offers them dinner which they all enjoy. Minerva seems to have approved of Ashton's friends. However, Ashton sees his mother's expression turn sullen upon seeing Louis and Harry flirting, and upon recognizing the infamous truant, Ed. Then she is introduced to Luke and she gives her apologies for her 'son's unforgivable behavior'. Luke just laughs it off, though. And Minerva seems impressed as to how Luke carry himself. Colette and Liam are watching closely with overprotective stares for their brother.

Liam scorns when Luke casually puts his arm around Ashton's shoulders when Minerva is chatting with them. The nerve of that boy to touch his little brother! And why. Minerva was unfriendly towards Niall when he first introduced him to her. Why is she being unfair?

Or wait. Does their mom not see that the bastard is hitting on his son? Huh. That's new.

Colette, on the other hand, worries for her brother. As someone who has been taxing her brother of awkward dumbness, she worries that Ashton (and/or his friends) might do something insane that will tick Minerva off. Ashton is a tease, and sometimes mean to her, but she cares for his well-being. So she prays...

_"Lord, don't let Ashton's gay side show."_

_"Lord, don't let Louis and Harry make out this minute and in our house."_

_"Lord, don't let Mom see Michael attacking our fridge. She might accuse him of gluttony!"_

_"Lord, I am not judgmental I will never be. And I trust Ashton's choice of friends. But please. Don't let anyone of them be pedophiles, or strippers, or gangsters. Please!"_

Ashton feels like shoving his siblings in the bathroom and locking them in because of the looks they're giving him.

After dinner, the students head to Ashton's room, which the lad had cleaned thoroughly that morning before going to school. They don't fit in that small space, however, so they move down to the living room with their books and blankets and left all their other stuffs in Ashton's bedroom.

They study for an hour and a half in History before Michael complains of information overload. Calum looks at him with pity and he excused him for a five-minute break. When he left, it is Louis' turn to complain of hunger so Ashton goes to the kitchen to grab some chips. When he returns, all the girls are surrounding Calum, asking him about the deal between him and Michael. The guys just sit lazily on the carpeted floor, passively hearing their conversations and looking bored. Ashton sits beside Luke in the couch and passes Louis his chips.

"I thought I told you that I don't want to talk about him!" Calum cries and hides his blush behind his book.

"Spill your secret, kid," Lauren says. "Michael is not here so you can share with us about that unfortunate event that happened to you in middle school."

"Did you like him back then? You're acting like you liked him," Camila points out.

"I am not! " Calum says.

"Booo!" All of them, except Luke and Ashton, shouts.

"Guys, please lower your voices," Ashton says. "My mom... this is her prayer hour. Please."

Lauren is not fazed. She says to Ashton, "Fine. But if only you'd brought Sir Malik here, we would have focused much better in studying." Then to Calum, she says, "Wouldn't you let us help you with Mike? We know what is his type. Go on."

"Stop harassing the kid, Lauren," Ashton reprimands again. "If he wants to tell us, he'll tell us."

A pleading look comes on Calum's face. "I'll... I'll tell."

Now _all_ of them moves closer to Calum. The junior takes a breath, and says, "I had a happy crush on him in middle school. I met him behind our school library. He was just someone passing by at a venture, and me and a friend were debating about American presidents and all that shit. Who is better than who. Michael listened to our argument for a second, then interrupted, then said his own take on the matter. He was so smart. I was wowed. I guess I was sapiosexual back then." Calum smiles sheepishly.

"Michael? Smart?" Louis asks, and turns to Ashton, Lauren and Eleanor. "What the hell happened to him?"

Calum continues. "I always followed him back then. He didn't mind. We always studied together in the library."

Eleanor squeals. "Oh, boy. This is going down to my fanfiction! Goodbye Rockefeller and Carnegie!"

"Stop interrupting!" Josh says. "I'm tweeting this."

"Then," Calum's expression becomes grim, "November 5, 2007. Monday, after school, at five thirty, behind the school canteen. I confessed my feelings, and he said... he said while eating his pizza and looking like he can't be bothered..."

"What?"

"He said I'm too Asian for him."

That moment Michael comes from the backdoor, smiling happily. "Hey, Ash. I think your cat likes me. Mind if I take... Why the grim faces? Why are you all looking at me like that?"

Lauren rises from her seat, popping her knuckles. "You jerk," she says. After her, Camila stands up, then Eleanor. The three girls surround Michael, who goes pale (paler) as if he can feel his death coming. They are really angry. Even the usually sweet Harry looks like he is ready for the kill.

"What did I do?" Michael asks in desperation. "If you want a study break, too, you can go on. What the hell."

They could have taken Michael down by then. Lauren had her fist raised and Camila looked diabolical. Josh was taking their video while Ed was strumming to the chords of "Teenagers" by My Chemical Romance. But (unfortunately, Ashton thinks) Liam and Niall come down and ask them to be quiet.

"Mother is ready to kick you all out this minute," Liam says. "She just finished her prayer hours. If I were the rest of you I would shut up now and return to my books."

"But Michael is being a jerk to Calum!" Eleanor retorts.

"What? What did I do to him?" Michael asks again.

The girls glare at him. "You are a monster!" "Jerk!" "Heartbreaker!"

"Please, stop!" Calum says and stands. "He does not remember it, so please. Just let it go."

"What? Oh. That time you confessed to me? Course I remember it."

"Care to offer any explanations, Michael?" Lauren asks.

Michael looks really confused now. "Explain about what? I rejected Calum because he was too young to be in love."

"And calling him Asian?"

"Lighten up. That was just a joke."

The girls pull at his hair and pinch his arms. "Don't go joking about that! You don't deserve Calum now! And he's not even Asian!"

Suddenly, there is a loud thud from upstairs stopping all their actions. Ashton heaves a sigh. Minerva is probably really pissed by the noise. Niall mutters "Kids these days." Harry says sorry to Ashton and everything is silent.

"Jesus Christ," Liam says and comes over to their spot. He motions for Ed's guitar and the red head gives it to him without question. Liam pulls a chair in front of them and says, "well, this is just to bring you all back in the mood again." He sings,

"Father and Son" by Cat Stevens

_"It's not time to make a change_

_Just relax, take it easy_

_You're still young, that's your fault_

_There's so much you have to know_

_Find a girl, settle down..._

"Well, in my case, it's a boy," Liam quips and looks at Niall who is staring at him lovingly from the staircase. He continues,

_"If you want you can marry_

_Look at me, I am old, but I'm happy_

.

_"I was once like you are now_

_And I know that it's not easy_

_To be calm when you've found_

_Something going on_

_But take your time, think a lot_

_Think of everything you've got_

_For you will still be here tomorrow_

_But your dreams may not_

.

_"How can I try to explain?_

_When I do he turns away again_

_It's always been the same, same old story_

_From the moment I could talk_

_I was ordered to listen_

_Now there's a way_

_And I know that I have to go away_

_I know I have to go."_

He finishes and the younger ones clap their hands. Ed whistles as he is handed his guitar back.

"Now, go back to studying," Liam says. He ruffles Ashton's hair gladly. "I don't want anyone to fight in here."

"That's real nice, my brother-in-law,"Luke cheekily says.

Ashton blushes (again. The blushes only seem to appear whenever Luke is involved). Liam glares at Luke before ultimately shrugging it off. "Pass your exams in flying colors and I might consider you."

Liam then walks back to the stairs where Niall was waiting. "You're not that old," Ashton hears Niall playfully say to his husband.

"Yeah. But I'm most certainly happy," Liam replies and kisses Niall on the lips. Ashton looks away. He sees his friends doing the same; looking away but smiles playing upon their lips.

They resume their study afterwards. Michael and Calum stay away from each other. But Ashton knows there will be talk between them, and hopes that they will rekindle their past. Ashton trusts his green-haired friend.

At midnight, all of them are fast asleep... except for Ashton and Luke. They just finished studying Chemistry. They have yet to review Algebra and Literature but they decided to study those either in the morning or on Monday again. As for their piece for the Sectionals, where Ed has already submitted seven compositions, Louis one, and Lauren and Eleanor one (turns out Michael and Calum are working on a song but they refuse to submit it because of the earlier event), the group chose one song that night (they have already chosen two compositions the past week and, in fact, were already practicing it when Sue Sylvester interrupted them and gave that dreadful announcement.) "However," Ashton says when Eleanor is gaping at Ed for having so many submissions, "we are still encouraging entries up until Monday afternoon. Miss Roberts and Mr Robb will help us decide then. Then we'll practice until the exam, which is Thursday. And the day after that will be history."

Now, as all his friends sleep on the floor in the living room, Ashton goes out to the porch and takes in the cold midnight breeze. Tobias wags his tail a little upon seeing him, then goes back to sleeping by the doorstep.

"You're happy," Luke observes as he emerges from the front door and steps beside him.

"So are you." Ashton smiles. "What happened?"

"Nothing really important. But I think you're mother likes me," Luke answers and leans his arms on onto the railings.

Ashton chuckles. "Good for you."

The younger boy sighs. "You know, what happened to Michael and Calum..."

"Really sucks," Ashton continues. "Their past sucks."

"Yes."

"How about yours? You haven't told me about what happened to Dalton Academy. What happened to you there. What your past is."

Luke frowns. "Why does it matter? I have not asked you anything about your past. Mine does not matter."

"Is it bad?"

Luke laughs. It looks very much forced. "Ashton. What happened? You are supposed to not care. Isn't that what you told me before that you are?"

"You have that effect in me. And you were supposed to tell me why you transferred before Eleanor messed with us."

The tall boy is not listening anymore. He is gaping at Ashton. Slowly he asks, "I have that effect on you?"

Realizing what he just said, Ashton blushes (for that umpteenth time). "I don't mean it that way."

But Luke is back to his old self again (or his self that Ashton knows). He is chuckling. Then he starts humming a tune that sounds familiar to the older boy. When he realizes that the tune is from a song of Fall Out Boy titled "Favorite Record", he picks up from there and starts singing it, softly and reluctantly,

_"Do you do, do you remember_

_When we drove, we drove, drove through the night_

_And we danced, we danced_

_To Rancid, and we danced, we danced"_

Luke is smiling playfully as he joins him in the song.

_"And I confessed, confessed to you_

_Riding shotgun underneath the purple skies_

_And we danced, we danced_

_With windows down, and we danced, we danced"_

.

_"You were the song stuck in my head_

_Every song that I’ve ever loved_

_Played again and again and again_

_And you can get what you want but it’s never enough,"_ Ashton sang.

.

_"And I spin for you like your favorite records used to_

_And I spin for you like your favorite records used to,"_ they chorus.

.

Luke continues, _"And I can’t, I can’t, I can’t remember_

_Just how to forget, forget the way_

_That we danced, we danced_

_To Danzig, and we danced, we danced"_

.

_"And when you ask, you ask me how I’m doing_

_Like you know, you know how much better off I am_

_And when we danced, we danced_

_With windows down, and we danced, we danced,"_ they sing together.

.

Luke sings, _"You were the song stuck in my head_

_Every song that I’ve ever loved_

_Played again and again and again_

_And you can get what you want but it’s never enough"_

Ashton feels that giddiness again as they move to the last parts of the song.

_"And I spin for you like your favorite records used to_

_And I spin for you like your favorite records used to_

_I spin, I spin, I spin, I spin_

_For you, for you, for you, for you, for yeah…"_

Luke is beaming at him. It is like warm sun in that cold midnight.

Before he chickens out, before he thinks twice, before he gets over from the high of singing, Ashton blurts out, "I think I like you, Luke."

The boy smiles at him affectionately, fondly, reassuringly. "And I'm sure I like you, Ashton."

Ashton does not remember anything else that night, except for a warm embrace and a first kiss, a couple of laughs, and that giddy feeling in his stomach. He notices nothing else, except the boy in front of them. And Luke looks at nothing except the older boy beside him. But if they only know, how Liam and Niall were listening to their song from their room and smiling beneath each other's embrace because the two remind them of their own time when they were younger. If they only know how Louis nudges Harry awake so they can both listen in silence to these young fools in love (fools in love much like the both of them). If they also only know that Josh recorded their song, first aiming to give this to Eleanor, but now, only to remind himself that the two kind of belong together. And if also they only know that when Ed is lying on the couch, pretending to sleep while he hears their song and their chat and their laughs, he has been thinking of a new song to write, maybe a song about them. But Ashton and Luke never knew. They never noticed. How could they? They are lost in their own little world. And Ashton will hold onto those memories, even until they all returned that Monday to see their promised teammate. 

They are presented with a person they already know; Courtney Wilkes.

END OF CHAPTER FIVE


	6. Catching Up and Running Away

After their Monday class, they are met with a person the New Directions already know: Courtney Wilkes, Eleanor's bully in the Cheerios, Sue's favorite student, and, incidentally, Josh's ex-girlfriend.

Their first reaction is a groan (or a yell, depending on who's the person) of "Seriously?!" The second is to look around wildly for their coaches who are not in the choir room at the moment. The third is to stare hardly at the new addition to the club; stares with contempt, curiosity, apathy.

"What the hell are you here for?" Eleanor asks, not bothering to hide her contempt.

Courtney does not look at her and instead inspects her nails. "I decided to join this stupid club," she says simply.

"I heard you're tone-deaf," Eleanor says again, voice rising.

"Not to be rude, darling, but even if I am, I can sing better than most of you. I have a good music teacher at home." She frowns slightly. "That is just a hobby my parents imposes on me. Don't get any ideas. I don't like singing that much."

"We don't want you," Eleanor tries again, unwilling to give up.

The other Cheerio snickers. "Says who? You? Please. Sectionals is already this Friday. If you don't get me, you won't even be qualified."

"We'll find another. I know we can. Right, Ashton?" Eleanor looks hopefully at the boy, her best friend. But Ashton shamefully looks down, thinking that whoever their coaches offer, they just might have to make do with it. They need to practice right away with the limited time they have left. He bites his lip.

Eleanor sees the shame in his face and she painfully looks away. "Lauren? Louis? Michael?" she asks.

"I'm sorry," Lauren says.

Eleanor scoffs and rushes to her seat, utterly defeated. They can hear Courtney's mirthful laughs.

"Tell you what, babe," Louis says to Eleanor sitting behind him. "We'll let Courtney in our club for the time-being. Until the Sectionals. After that, we'll kick her out and find a new one. How does that sound?"

Courtney frowns deeply. Ashton feels like he's a failure as a friend.

Five o' clock strikes. The two coaches enter the room looking both excited and nervous. Ashton quickly takes a seat in front, beside Courtney and Luke.

"So, you've met your teammate?" Shirley asks. "How is it? How did you welcome her?"

"Miss, she's our bully," Camila says. "She slushies me and Calum all the time. She makes Eleanor's life miserable in Cheerios. She insults Ashton's brother. She's basically a bitch."

Courtney gasps. "You bitch. You dare say those things in front of me?"

"I'm just grabbing this sweet opportunity," Camila says with an air of innocence.

"I told you taking her is a bad idea," they hear Kane whisper at Shirley's side.

"How did you convince her to join us anyway?" Ashton asks.

"Oh, no. It did not take something convincing her," Shirley answers dismissively. "Sue offered her help to the glee club by sending Courtney here."

They all stare dumbly at their female coach. What the freaking hell, Ashton thinks. "Miss, did you just accept Sue's help? Just like that?" he voices out for his teammates who are thinking of the same thing.

"They could have evil plans to our club, or something," Camila says, too. "Sue hates our club."

"We hate you, all right," Courtney says under her breath.

"Guys, we don't know that," Shirley says. "Sue has helped the glee club multiple times in the past. Albeit I'm not sure if those are intentional or just indirect help, but still. We ought to give her a chance. The Sectionals is already this Friday and by now you should be perfecting your choreography and we were only done selecting from your compositions. We don't have enough time to argue about Sue's help. Courtney is here to complete our team so let's do this. You start practice now. Kane and I will be with you. And no silly skirmishes!"

"We need to at least hear her sing," Lauren says. Courtney rolls her eyes at that.

"Really? Didn't you hear your miss say we need to start practicing?" she asks, but a look from Josh gets her to stand in front of him and do just what she was told:

"Drumming Song" by Florence + The Machine

_"There's a drumming noise inside my head_

_That starts when you're around_

_I swear that you could hear it_

_It makes such an all mighty sound_

.

_"There's a drumming noise inside my head_

_That throws me to the ground_

_I swear that you should hear it_

_It makes such an all mighty sound_

.

_"Louder than sirens_

_Louder than bells_

_Sweeter than heaven_

_And hotter than hell_

.

_"I ran to a tower where the church bells chime_

_I hoped that they would clear my mind_

_They left a ringing in my ear_

_But that drum's still beating loud and clear_

.

_"Louder than sirens_

_Louder than bells_

_Sweeter than heaven_

_And hotter than hell_

.

_"Louder than sirens_

_Louder than bells_

_Sweeter than heaven_

_And hotter than hell_

.

_"Louder than sirens_

_Louder than bells_

_Sweeter than heaven_

_And hotter than hell_

.

_"As I move my feet towards your body_

_I can hear this beat it fills my head up_

_And gets louder and louder_

_It fills my head up and gets louder and louder."_

Ashton admits her voice is very good. Sue had sent in a good help. He had not expected it from someone who insults him all the time. But he has heard from Liam how even the meanest bully can be your best bud just by being in the glee club. Liam has told him stories from New Directions like the one stated before. Maybe they can befriend Courtney after this. Maybe they don't need to kick her out after the Sectionals like Louis had proposed.

~~~

The club's practice for that Monday ended at seven that evening. And frankly, they did not notice the time. One of the school maintenance just knocked on their door and asked them to leave. So they did, hurriedly, because their parents might all be getting crazy and worried.

But at least they made progress.

Ashton had made Eleanor teach Courtney all the songs they will be using. Eleanor did not want to, but Ashton wanted them to get along. Courtney, at first, ridicule them for writing their own songs, but looked like she is eager to learn, and that somehow gave relief to Ashton who was thinking that she is not there as part of a sabotage mission given to her by their principal.

As for their studies for the exams on Thursday, Ashton and Luke studied the whole day together in the library during their free times, thank you very much. And now they are walking home, and nearing the Cooperative. It is almost time to say goodbye.

"God, I'm beat up today," Luke groans, trudging his steps. "I need paracetamol when I get home."

Ashton chuckles softly. Then he remembers something. "Colette's birthday tomorrow. Normally she was not allowed to invite many of her friends, but since it's her fourteenth birthday, Mama decided to hold a birthday party for her. Other relatives would also be there. Would you like to come?"

"I'm not her friend," Luke states, confused by the invitation.

"No. But you met her once. Come on. Michael and Eleanor would be the there. Zay-- Sir Malik, too. Liam invited him," Ashton rambles.

Luke starts laughing. He punches Ashton's shoulder lightly. "Just say you want me there. I won't hesitate to say yes."

The older boy reddens but frowns. "This is not about us."

"Oh. It's about your sister who kept glaring at me when I first visited your house and who I haven't exchanged any word with at all. Right."

"Shut up!" Ashton sputters.

They fell silent. They are by the Cooperative now. Luke stares at him.

"But you would come, right? After practice?" Ashton says hopefully, not bringing his eyes up to the taller boy.

And that made Luke laugh again. But he eventually agrees and kisses Ashton on the lips before walking away.

Ashton does not move. He watches Luke's back as the boy continues to walk away from him. Then said boy pauses and turns around. Ashton tenses. Luke smiles. Even from a distance, Ashton can see that goofy smile.

The boy cups his hands around his mouth and shouts. People around turns to their direction. "After the Sectionals, let's go out again!"

Ashton reddens. Never mind the people. You should not just --

He raises thumbs up coupled with an awkward and hesitant smile.

Luke beams, waves his hand in the air as good bye, then turns to his heels and runs.

Ashton is dumbfounded. But he pinches himself and walks home slowly and feeling like a stupid fool in love.

~~~

It's never new to Ashton, the feeling of being in love. After all, Luke is not his first love. He had a girlfriend in the past. A sweet little thing named Bryana Holly. He was fourteen when he met her, and she, fifteen. She is gorgeous, innocent, cute. She was Eleanor's best friend. She can joke around with Lauren and Louis. She knows how to make home-made pizza which Michael more than appreciates. She always listen to Ashton play drums and sometimes they duet like silly on shitty songs they hear on the radio.Above all, Minerva approved of her. That last one is the most important.

But please don't get the wrong idea. He truly loved her.

But if Liam's heart broke when Danielle found a boyfriend, Ashton's shattered when Bryana left the country three days after Mr. Irwin died. Ashton's heart shattered because his father died, because Bryana left, because Liam was in England, because Minerva seemed so distant, because he cannot cry because he is a man, because he is alone. That was when he realized that nothing ever matters. And the only emotion that can save him is apathy.

It was bad on the months that followed after the head of the Irwin household died. The house was dead along with him. There was no communication in that home. Minerva was silent. Ashton was silent. Colette was confused and alone (in later life, Ashton will wonder and appreciate how Colette managed to stay bubbly and sane in that fucked up scenario).

At school, Ashton avoided his friends. He failed his exams. Next he did not bother attending school at all.

The Christmas of that year, Liam was able to get home. Ashton would have been mad that his brother was not in Ohio on the day of their father's funeral; he would have but he just did not care. Liam was afraid of them. He looked at the lost gazes of his mother, his younger brother and sister. He was guilty and just wanted to cheer them up. Turned out he had no idea how to fix that at all. He was glad when Christmas break was over and he made a promise to himself that someday he will go back and make that family feel whole again.

Ashton noticed how Liam hurriedly leave them at the airport when they see him off. He was very anxious to get away. In his mind and heart, Ashton kind of agrees. There is nothing special in this place. I will leave this place one day.

And then what happened? Time perhaps. Over time, Ashton's apathy receded. He did notice it. He claimed he still is but he cared when Minerva got sick. He was hurt when Louis screamed at him and accused him that he is not the Ashton he is friends with. He was touched when Eleanor took the seat across from him in that lonely table in the school canteen and Michael, Lauren and Louis followed suit. He was worried for Tobias when the dog got ill. He wanted to protect that freshman with stupid vests and glasses from the bullies. He was kind of glad and kind of confused when Liam called to say he would be back that summer with a surprise.

He did not notice it, claimed he was still wearing that armor. His friends did not mention it, happy that their friend is going back to what he originally is and supposed to be: a sweet and caring boy.

And then Luke is here now. Luke who is unlike Bryana and who is an enigma for him. For some reasons Ashton does not want to be apathetic. He wants to open up. Because he likes Luke. It is a mystery, then. And he is close to falling in love.

~~~

Ashton knows he is about to rediscover something when he wakes up the next day and on the wrong side of the bed. The morning is beautiful but he smells doom. 

At school Ashton thinks the doom is confirmed by meeting Cody Simpson and by the fact nothing is going on as normal would. He meets the Simpson lad when Dalton Academy's Warblers visits McKinley High as a homage before the Sectionals. He meets them and all he feels is an impeccable doom. Their coach, Blaine Anderson, is with them. It has been retold to the New Directions that Blaine was once a member of their club, and even until now, the two glee clubs keep close ties with each other.

Eleanor is smug during the whole visit, ready to show to the Warblers' coach her love for Kurtbastian. The aforementioned coach only looks confusingly at the girl, unknowing what's on her mind.

Then Sue Sylvester knocks again and chats with Blaine. She is wearing a pin with a picture of him and Kurt kissing. Eleanor frowns deeply at that.

As the Warblers perform Boyzone's "Love Me For A Reason" in front of them (either to intimidate them or just show them how great they are, Ashton doesn't know), the three coaches and the principal keep discussing something. By the middle of the performance, the four adults left the room to take their discussion somewhere else.

Now Ashton could have dismissed all of these easily. But it is Warblers that visited them. They hold Luke's past, the one person he's most concerned with. All day, since the Dalton students step foot to their school, Luke has been hiding from him. That could only be the reason he has not seen him all day. He's seen him only this time, during the club's meeting. He's searching for his face, he wants to ask why he's doing this. Just yesterday they are all right, right? Luke even joked about their relationship. Luke even kissed him. Ashton hates being left in the dark. He's nervous, agitated, confuse and disoriented... all because of a boy who might have woken up that morning thinking it was a good idea to play hide and seek with him. The last time Ashton felt this way was when the doctor came in. He was nervous. He did not like it. He ran away from the hospital because he knows that what would the doctor say is the announcement of his father's death. He could smell the doom in the air. That could only be it. He was not brave enough to hear the truth. At least he was right.

The Warblers in front of them, they were his teammates, right? Maybe they know why Luke is acting like this. Maybe they are the reason.

_"Love me for a reason/ And let the reason be love,"_ they finished with a bow.

And suddenly Ashton sees him. Cody Simpson is his name, right? He introduced himself as the president of the Warblers. He's friendly, and flamboyant, and he gets on Ashton's nerves. Ashton sees him wink at Luke's direction when they finished. Luke squirms at his seat, seemingly uncomfortable.

_What are you doing, Luke?_ Ashton wants to ask. _What is this, happening all of a sudden? I don't like this, Luke. At all. Tell me, what is happening? Please? You're making me nervous. Why are you avoiding me? Why are you drawn to that guy? Is he your past? _Goddammit.__

_I thought you said you like me?_

When Blaine comes back later, the Warblers start to leave. Luke is hesitant, but eventually follows them. And those students are looking smug, like they know Luke is going to do that. And that Cody...

Ashton follows them with a gaze. Then he looks around to his teammates and sees the disgusting pitying looks. He dismisses it.

"Let's start our practice," he says quietly. His teammates nodded in agreement because... because they pity him.

One-hour in and Luke has not returned. Ashton tries not to worry, tries not to let his emotion show because...

_You are a man, Ashton. You must not cry..._

_Ash, my flight is cancelled. I can't go home. There is a superstorm here and... Ashton just be strong, and be there for Mama for me, okay? Please. I'm sorry..._

_I love you, Ash. I'm terribly sorry I have to leave at this time when you need someone the most. I know you will be okay without me. But if you suddenly miss me or anything, then I guess it's okay for you to cry..._

Tears swell up his eyes. He hates it, hates feeling weak. It's all Luke's fault.

He excuses himself to the toilet. When he's done composing himself up, he goes out, and hears whispers from the side of the school. He follows the voices. Luke's is one of them. The other is Cody. He follows those voices and sees them near the closed school canteen. He hides behind a wall so they won't see him. But he peeks and witnesses them talking closely. Their gaze to each other is like Liam and Niall's, speaks volumes and heartfelt.

"I missed you," Cody says.

"And I you," says Luke.

"Do you still love me? Because I still do. I can't help thinking about you all this time. And I'm really sorry that you had to be the spy for this school. I'm sorry that this has to happen to the two of us..."

"Shh," Luke says, and Ashton is really, really confused. "It's okay. We're okay." He leans in close (Ashton's mind screams NO! NO! What am I to you?). Then they are kissing. Assholes.

Ashton must have let out a loud gasp (or did he even make a sound?) for the two break free from their kiss and find him staring at them. Luke's expression. Guilty and shock and priceless. Ashton does not care much about the other guy.

"Ash?" Luke asks.

How do I look like? he asks himself. I must pull off my armor, my apathy. Maybe even look like Michael when he told Calum he's too Asian for him.

Maybe Ashton has done that quite successfully. He turns to his heels, does not bother to look back, and walks away. He does not hear anyone following him.

In the clubroom, he grabs for his bag, and announces to his teammates that he has to leave early for Colette's birthday party.

"About that," Michael says, scratching the nape of his neck. "I can't go later tonight. Calum and I agreed to talk about what happened to us in the past and I really want to make it up to him. But I have a gift for Colette."

Ashton takes the gift, saying nothing, feeling nothing. The green-haired boy frowns.

"Are you okay?"

"I'm fine. Don't worry about it. It's nothing."

"If it's about Luke--"

"I don't give a damn about him," he says, and he manages to say it without any emotion at all. Good. Don't let them see that I'm weak.

Eleanor is nearby. Also Louis and Lauren. His friends. They heard him. Concern grows on their faces. Ashton does not care about it.

"Goodbye," Ashton says to them and leaves the building, walking calmly as ever.

He is out the school gate when Luke catches up with him in a run. He grabs his arm and makes him turn around to face him. The taller boy is out of breath.

"Listen. Ashton." A deep breath there. "Back there. Cody and I..." Deep breath. "Shit! I don't know how to explain it."

Ashton looks at him with no interest. He does not say anything. He lets him catch his breath. When Luke does, he looks at him with guilty and confused eyes (the same eyes Liam held that one Christmas).

"Why aren't you saying something?" the taller boy asks carefully. "Why aren't you asking for any explanations? Why aren't you mad?"

Ashton shrugs easily. "Don't need to. I get it now. You never have a past. Cody and the Warblers are still your present. You are a spy. And I've been used to pass the time. That kind of sucks but it's not like I care. I don't."

Tears fall from Luke's eyes. He gives him an incredulous look, his mouth gaping. Then his expression becomes livid. His clenches his fist and strucks Ashton's face with it. The older boy staggers backward from the blow.

"Be mad at me, Ashton!" he yells. "Say that I betrayed your trust! Say that I hurt you! Ask me why I did that! Ask how I really feel about you! Demand a fucking explanation! Say that you hate me! Please! Not this. Not like this. Like you don't care about me. About us."

Ashton just stares at him blankly. "Does it matter?" he finally asks. It makes Luke stunned and tear up more. 

"Damn it! What am I even to you?!"

He only looks at him with wonder. _Did he just ask me that question? Why is he angry? What is his right to be? Oh well._

Cody is running to them, calling out Luke's name. Ashton exchanges his looks between the running boy and Luke who is begging with his eyes to let him have the answers. Like hell Ashton would give it. He turns to his heels again.

"Ashton, please."

_Why is he the one crying? Why is he making me look like I'm the bad guy?_ Ashton wonders briefly before striding away and not turning back.

When he gets home, he will celebrate with Colette for her birthday but up only until nine o' clock. Then he will have to study for the exams just to avoid Minerva's nagging. In the morrow he will practice with the New Directions (only half-heartedly maybe. Suddenly, he doesn't feel like it anymore. After the Sectionals, he will quit. It was all only for a stupid bet anyway between Lauren and Michael, who are both happy with what they have found in the club). He won't tell the club about Luke's spying activities. Let them find out for themselves once Ashton's gone. Then Ashton will sleep peacefully tonight, because again he has no care in the world. It would be perfect. Perfect. _Just like the old times, Ashton,_ Rationality sarcastically adds. _Perfect and alone._

He is passing by the Cooperative when he realizes he is crying. At the end of the day, he realizes it was heartbreak he rediscovered.

END OF CHAPTER SIX


	7. Here and There

Minerva senses that something is wrong in his son just as when the boy enters the house. The smile is there, the comebacks when great old Uncle Jim teases him, the feint surprise when realizing his close cousins and uncles and aunts and grandpa are there in the living room for Colette's formal birthday party. 

But something is not right. She senses it as the same feeling she regarded with Ashton that time when her husband died. The smile is just a mask for a deeper emotion. She knows. She is a mother. Although they always accuse her that she only cares for God (and there is nothing wrong with that, excuse me. God must always be the priority), she cares for her children. As long as she lives, she will. As long as she can, she will take them under her wing. It's in Isaiah 49:15;

_Can a woman forget her nursing child, that she should have no compassion on the son of her womb?_

Ashton excuses himself to his room to change. Luke is not with him when he came home. Odd, Minerva thinks. Ashton has not shut up the last night about inviting that Hemmings boy. She has not seen him that excited in, like, ever. The boy had looked more excited than Colette who is now talking to her cousin Christina in the corner.

Minerva wonders why is Luke not here. Maybe he will come later. Maybe it is not the reason why something is... wrong. Minerva does not know anything about that gender roles and sexuality the younger generation keeps talking about and fighting for, she admits. The Bible says Man and Woman, period. But ever since Liam married that Irish lad Niall, she has to compromise between her belief and her love for her older son. Maybe you can love someone your own sex without it being considered as a lustful sin. God forgives, right? And there are worse sinners out there; whores, corrupt politicians, pedophiles, killers, thieves. There are worse that surely God would not overlook them and punish mature and responsible Liam who is only writing stories to entertain ordinary people. But if God will punish him just the same along with those "worse sinners", Minerva won't allow that. That means she has to pray more and harder. For Liam's soul.

Now, if Ashton takes the same path as his brother has taken then she will be despair. And think when has she done any wrong. Think what her husband would think. Think what her friends in her prayer group would think. Think of the ridicule and scorn she will earn. But she will pray for Ashton. And accept him for who he is and take no heed to what others will have to say. That's what mothers do.

Is he... crushing on that boy Luke? Well, he looks like a fine lad. Just someone who makes her Ashton sin. She has to inspect that boy so she can turn the scales and see if it will be all worth it. If only he comes to this nice gathering she had prepared...

~~~

After changing into a simple white tee and jeans, Ashton goes down to the living room and mingles with the people his mother invited for Colette's birthday. The classmates, he has been told, already went home late that afternoon. Now it is just the relatives who had come from other parts of the state, some from other parts of the world. There's cousin Judy, Ashton's first crush and now has three children with a banker in Switzerland. She is currently talking briskly to Cousin Bobby, who is Uni student in Oxford (scholarship) and Cousin David who was called a black sheep in his teens and is now a practicing lawyer in California. Cousin Sally from a burgeoning town in Colorado is here. The ingenious Cousin Cathy, who is living as a caregiver in Taiwan, is also here.

Aunt Paula is here, too, chatting with Mama outside the porch, rosaries in their hands. Uncle Jim is talking to Uncle Joseph and his seven-months pregnant wife. Aunt Victoria, who has 12 cats at home, is eatingn doughnuts in the kitchen with Azariah in her lap. Zayn is sitting quietly in a corner, stroking Tobias' graying white hair while watching Liam and Niall converse with Grandpa Jem in the kitchen. Food and beverages on the long table. Damn. This is like every reunion in this family. Like on a Christmas eve or Holy Weeks.

Ashton places Michael's gift by the fireplace along beside the new dresser from Uncle Joseph and an unopened box of cosmetics, a gift from Cousin Cathy, no doubt. He also tucks Michael's card to it (his messy cursive writing makes it read like: Harpy Birthoiay, Collete). Catching Zayn's eyes, Ashton walks over and sits beside the teacher.

"How's rehearsals?" Zayn asks after a brief hello.

"It was fine, I guess," Ashton answers simply.

"And where are Eleanor and Michael? Colette told me a while ago you always bring them in every family gathering you have here."

"They have other plans for tonight," Ashton says, not that interested in the topic. Although a thought occured that he had not really asked if Eleanor will be coming, he dismisses it. If the girl will come, then let her.

"And Colette also told me how you could not keep your mouth shut about inviting Luke. Where is he though?" Zayn asks again, still stroking Tobias' fur. The dog is sleeping heavily on the teacher's lap.

"I don't know where he is," Ashton says truthfully and carelessly.

"Oh," is what the teacher replies to that. "Is he coming?"

The student shrugs. "I don't know. Really does not make any difference whether he will come or not, right?"

"I suppose," Zayn says.

There is something in his tone that should have bothered Ashton, something wrong, something going on. But, pray, he wills himself not to care. He has to think for his himself at the moment. He should not bother. The grandfather clock at the corner says 7:35. He has an hour and a half before he excuse himself to this place and into his room.

"Liam invited you?" Ashton asks just to pass the time.

"Yes."

"When?"

Zayn heaves a sigh. "He called me last Saturday. He called me and said like, 'Hey, you know how you always come to our every family gathering before to save me from boredom and my mystic aunts and weird cousins? Well, wanna revisit those memories?' And since I also have nothing much to do, I am here. Only it slipped from our minds that he now has Niall to save him from boredom and weirdness and he need not invite me."

Ah, the bitterness. It lingers in his every tone of voice.

Zayn stares at him, waiting for his reaction, observing for any. When he does not get any response, he again sighs.

"Why don't you excuse yourself to leave if you think that way?" Ashton asks finally. "You might get a reaction from him if you do so." He motions to Liam who is oblivious to the world with his husband in his arms and their grandpa chatting with them.

"I will wait for him," he says simply.

"Does it not occur to you that you are waiting for someone who is happily married to another boy? Has it not cross your mind that he will never look at you that way?"

Zayn stares at him again, eyes going wide.

"He won't leave Niall, sir," Ashton continues. "I've seen how they... love each other and he won't leave him for you."

The teacher chuckles. Laughs but only softly. And there is so much sadness in it. "Of course. I know that, Ashton. And I won't dare try to ruin a marriage. I'm not like that. I have morals, boy, not a sinister plot to take Liam away with me. But... I can at least hope, can't I? Can I least hope that he will forgive me?"

Ashton frowns at that.

When Zayn sees his expression, he smiles. "You don't know our story, boy. Nobody ever knows."

Ashton should not care, especially that it's not even about him. And Peter's sake, did he not only rediscover heartbreak this afternoon? He can't bear to hear any sad stories. God, no. So to end that conversation, he says:

"Yes. I don't know about it. But whatever your story is, or was, it's all over now. So stop hoping for anything."

Zayn's smile fades. He looks at him grimly. "Funny," he says, "that was also what Liam told me the first time I visited here ever since his return."

Ashton answers with a shrug. He rises from the couch, into the kitchen to serve himself dinner, talks briefly to Uncle Jim and Aunt Victoria who he have not seen in a while, and does not think much about the conversation he had with his history teacher.

Colette joins him in his table, and demands to know where Michael and Eleanor is. Ashton tells her what he had answered to Zayn; that those two have other plans for the night. But she does not need to be sad. Michael has a gift for her. Then his sister felt something that made her look closely to Ashton.

"Ash, is something bad happened at school today?" she asks with concern.

"Why do you say so? Everything's fine," Ashton says.

"Oh. It's just that... something feels off about you," Colette replies. Inside her, she feels like she had seen this side of Ashton before. That time when everything is fucked up and Papa's dead and nobody in the house wanted to communicate. "Are you okay?" she asks of his brother again.

"Colette, I'm fine. This is your birthday. You must not worry about anything else."

"Well, if you insists. Hey, where's Luke? I thought he's coming?"

"I doubt he's coming," Ashton says. _After what I found out about him today._

"Why so? Does he have other plans too?"

"Perhaps. Probably."

Ashton looks to a side to avoid Colette's inspecting gaze, only to find out his mother is doing the same from afar, in the porch.

_Fuck. Why can they tell something is off about me only now?_

Then they are interrupted by Uncle Jim pulling him to the living room and making him sit in a stool facing everybody who are seated in the couch. Lastly the man pushes a guitar to his arms.

"How can you tell, boy?" Uncle Jim says cheerily. "Liam just told me the wonderful news that you are a member of the McKinley High's glee club as well. Good thing you are continuing this family's unknown legacy. I was a member of the New Directions if you are wondering. Granted, I only quitted because your mother said it was a complete waste of time. I would not blame her though. She thought I was just being a hellion. Now, why don't play for us and show everybody how wrong your mother was."

Ashton deadpans, "I don't feel like singing today."

Cousin Bobby snickers. Cousin Judy urges him to sing on so that her three-year-old daughter, who is dozing in her lap, will wake up and be happy.

"Why don't Liam sing?" Ashton says again and puts the guitar down.

"You're no fun!" Cousin Bobby yells.

"Kid, all we ever heard from Liam today is his proclamation of undying love to Niall. Can you imagine how tiresome it is? Can you imagine how we'll feel if he put another proclamation in a song?" Cousin David asks. It results to laughter from the family.

"Go suck a rock, Dave," Liam says, laughing, an arm drape around Niall's shoulders.

"He makes it sound like my relationship with my current girlfriend is a joke," the lawyer adds.

"I did not mean to do that," Liam says with a frown.

"And no one wants to hear your adulterated, childish type of relationships, Dave," Cousin Sally says.

"Hey!"

Ashton stands up from the stool and stands in a corner. The family becomes silent and confused. Minerva's face becomes stern. It becomes quiet in the room. Awkward and uneasy. But Ashton had said he does not want to sing, so he won't. It is not until Grandpa Jem speaks that the silence is broken.

"Well, better to hear Liam's proclamation than no music at all," Grandpa Jem says.

They all groan but good-naturedly. If they are surprised by Ashton's rudeness when the boy is usually sweet and obedient, they did not let it spoil the evening.

Liam, who is also dumbstrucked by Ashton's actions and who also feels that something wrong must have happened to his younger brother, proceeds in front and takes the guitar. He pulls on a smile (and opts to ask about the matter to Ashton later when the evening ends).

"I guess you all know who this song is for," Liam teases.

"What do you think?" Cousin Cathy shots back.

"Then I think it would be better if said lad would sing with me. What do you think, Niall?"

"Damn you, Liam," Niall says. But with a push from Cousin Bobby, the Irish boy goes in front. He then pulls an easy chair beside Liam's stool. Then Liam starts to strum the instrument in his hands. Then he begins to sing:

"Let's Just Fall in Love Again" by Jason Castro

"Let's pretend baby

that you've just met me

And I've never seen you before

.

"I'll tell all my friends

That I think you're starin'

And you say the same to yours

.

"And oh, we'll dance around it all night

And then I'll follow you outside

And try to open up my mouth

And nothing comes out right"

Both of them sings in this part:

"And I wanna fall in love with you again

I don't have to try, it's so easy

Who needs to pretend?

But because it's so funny

Let's just think about it honey

Let's just fall in love again"

Niall continues,

"I'll call you in three days

Not too soon, not too late

And I'll ask your roommate if you're home

.

"You'll call me on Thursday

And we'll hang out all day

Then fall asleep on the phone

.

"And oh, I'll hold your hand when we drive

And we'll lose track of all the time

And we'll tell everyone that

We ain't never felt so alive"

Both:

"And I wanna fall in love with you again

I don't have to try, it's so easy

Who needs to pretend?

But because it's so funny

Let's just think about it honey

Let's just fall in love again"

Liam:

"We'll fall disgustingly fast

And we'll stop hanging out with friends

And they'll be so offended"

Both:

"And I wanna fall in love with you again

I don't have to try, it's so easy

Who needs to pretend?

But because it's so funny

Let's just think about it honey

.

"Let's just fall in love again

Let's just fall in love again

.

"So let's just fall in love again"

The song ends with a loud a cheer and a generous amount of applause, with Uncle Jim saying, "That ain't so bad, that ain't so bad," and Cousin Bobby whistling, and Zayn glaring at the two.

"So? Another song?" Uncle Jim asks. "Ashton? You up for it now?"

Ashton shakes his head. Eight thirty in the grandfather clock.

"I'll go," Zayn says, and stands up from his seat.

"Zayn! My boy!" Uncle Jim says and claps the younger man's back. "Almost forgot that you're here! Show us what you've got, okay?"

Zayn smiles a little and takes the guitar and the stool from Liam without looking to his friend. Liam and Niall returns to their seat in the back. While Ashton notices the discomfort in Liam's composure.

"Any dedications?" Uncle Joseph asks.

To that Zayn simply smiles. To those who knows his story knows who is it for. Ashton wonders if only he and Liam knows.

"The Enemy" by Mumford and Sons

"Give me hope in silence

It's easier; It's kinder

Tell me not of heartbreak

It plagues my soul, plagues my soul

.

"We will meet back on this road

Nothing gaining, truth be told

But I am not the enemy

it isn't me, the enemy

.

"But I came and I was nothing

And time will give us nothing

So why did you choose to lean on

A man you knew was falling?

.

"Give me hope in silence

It's easier; It's kinder

Tell me not of heartbreak

It plagues my soul, plagues my soul

.

"And bury me beside you

I have no hope

In solitude

And the world will follow

To the earth down below

.

"But I came and I was nothing

And time will give us nothing

So why did you choose to lean on

A man you knew was falling?"

How did the song end this time, Ashton does not know. He already went upstairs to his room. He cannot take it. He cannot bear the sadness. There is an inkling thought in his head that somehow, someway, he and Zayn are the same. And it aches his heart. It breaks his heart. He cannot dare to see Liam's reaction after the song. He cannot...

He slams his fist hard in the desk. _Dammit, Ashton! You said you will not feel anything anymore! You said you will go back to the way it was before! Where everything was perfect and you don't know hurt! Why are you affected? Why?_

_It was all Luke's fault._

His phone, which he left in his room, lights up. Luke is calling.

Ashton does not do anything. He waits until the song goes to the voice mail. And when it does he will delete it without checking it.

He opens it instead.

He hears nothing at first. Just a heavy breathing. Then Luke begins to speak.

_"Of course I know you will not answer my call. I know that, Ash... I know you're confused and so am I, by these recent events... Who would have thought? Ash. Ashton... we need to talk. I need to talk to you... You may have discovered that I am just a spy and all of these are pretend... No. Ash. My feelings for you are real. They are true. I did not use you to pass the time... Believe me. Let's talk. Please..? Bye."_

Calmly, Ashton turns off his phone and opens his books and fnished studying by midnight.

~~~

The morning afterwards is a sky the color of gray, threatening to rain at any moment. Ashton leaves for the school late, as he still had to see Grandpa Jem and Cousin Bobby off. The rest of his family had left in the evening without seeing him, while the aforementioned two stayed for the night to have more time with Minerva. To exchange stories here and there, to add up a cohesive timeline for the family.

Grandpa Jem, now 73 years old, squeezed Ashton's shoulder before leaving and gave him a knowing look, and, like usual every time he visit them, said, "I'm sure your father is looking out for you from heaven. Don't you worry, boy."

Ashton had given him a smile of thanks. And then they left, and now Ashton is walking to school, already half an hour late to his first subject. He is tempted to cut schools for the day. Maybe try truancy again. Yet he reaches McKinley with still no clear course of action to his life. He proceeds to the room where his second subject will be. There he is classmates with Louis and Lauren. And the two regard him with curiousity upon his entrance where he sit down on his place by the front door. Louis makes up his mind, and approaches him.

"What happened yesterday, Ash? Luke was crying when you left, repeatedly calling your name. And that dumbass git from Warblers kept following him even until Lauren dismissed Luke early because of his crying. If there is anything wrong between the two of you, work it out. You said so yourself that we cannot have any more distractions before Sectionals."

Ashton stares at his friend, not knowing what to say. "Okay."

"Okay what?" Louis asks with mild irritation.

"I'll talk to Luke."

It is Louis' turn to stare at him, and with an unusual concern. 'What happened? Can't you tell me?"

He shrugs. "It's nothing important."

"Bullshit. That was also what you told us before," Louis hisses.

"I assure you, it's nothing to be worried about."

Their teacher enters the room that moment. Louis gives Ashton one final look and says, "If you say so," before going back to his seat beside Lauren. There he reports to the girl the conversation he had with their apparently apathetic friend.

Ashton watches them first, then listens to the teacher lecture about circuits and circuitry, then his mind goes to wonder somewhere else. He comes to after the class when he hears the bells ringing.

~~~

Ashton does not turn up in the cafeteria during lunch break. He reasons to himself that all he will hear from his friends are nagging and pitiful words, and hell, he can't hear any of that. They might even try to persuade him to talk to Luke. And Ashton does not plan to talk to the boy any time sooner. With an empty stomach, he wanders mindlessly to the halls of McKinley. His mind is almost blank. The recurring thoughts, _I hate this place_ stays. He wishes he is home, in his bed, all day. God, he is tired.

Suddenly, he hears music. It comes to him that he is near the choir show room. He blames his feet for taking him to his place. He is about to go back when he recognizes Louis' voice singing.

_The bastard planned to skip lunch, too_ , Ashton thinks without much humor.

Then he hears Harry's voice, blending with Louis'. Ashton finally decides to take a look at what is happening in the room. He approaches the room and hides behind the door and watches from there.

Zayn is in there, too, he sees. The teacher is in a seat while he watches (supervises, perhaps) the two students seated in the piano.

"Show us how you do it!" Louis exclaims to the teacher.

"I can't. Liam is not here," Zayn says simply, head tilted with wonder.

"Then can't you find someone who you can blended voices with? We really want to learn," Harry says.

"No. Liam is..." Zayn shakes his head in dismissal. "From the top, Mr. Tomlinson."

Louis presses a key, but a smile from Harry got them to all laughs and giggles, forgetting to sing altogether. Ashton's heart clenches from the view. Bitterness. Jealousy. Zayn's smile mirrors his feelings.

"Stop distracting me, Harry!" Louis says to a still laughing Harry.

_He is calling him Harry now. Not Marcel._

"You're quite a pair," Zayn attempts to tease. "How are you as, you know, as a couple?"

Louis grows thoughtful while Harry waits for his answer with a knowing smile. The older boy's expression turns mischievous as he opens his mouth and says, "How do I love Harry? Let me count the ways. I love thee to I love thee to the depth and breadth and height. My soul can reach, when feeling out of sight. For the ends of being and ideal grace. I love thee to the level of every day's--"

Harry's laugh is loud. He slaps Louis's hand playfully. "You're a nerd!"

Louis shrugs. "Only a little."

"From the top, Mr. Tomlinson," Zayn repeats.

Louis sings then, without an interruption from Harry.

"Sleeping to Dream" by Jason Mraz

"And I

I'm dreaming of sleeping next to you and feeling like a lost little boy in a brand new town

I'm counting my sheep and each one that passes is another dream to ashes

And they all fall down

.

"And I lay me down tonight

I close my eyes

What a beautiful sight

.

"Sleeping to dream about you

And I'm so damn tired

Of having to live without you

But I don't mind

Sleeping to dream about you and I'm so tired

.

"I found myself in the riches

Your eyes, your lips, your hair well you were everywhere out there

But I woke up in the ditches, I hit the light and I thought you might be here

But you were nowhere (you were nowhere)

Well You were nowhere

.

"And as I lay me back to sleep

Lord I pray that I can keep

.

"Sleeping to dream about you

And I'm so damn tired

Of having to live without you

But I don't mind

Sleeping to dream about you and I'm so tired

.

"It's just a little a lullaby to keep myself from crying myself to sleep at night

Oh just a lullabye to keep from crying myself to sleep

Oh just a, just oh, just a little lullabye,

.

"Sleeping to dream about you

And I'm so tired

Of having to live without you

And I'm so tired

.

"Sleeping to dream about you

And I'm so damn tired

Of having to live without you

But I don't mind

Sleeping to dream about you and I'm so tired

.

"Well I'm so, I'm tired

I'm falling, I'm so tired, I'm so tired"

"Wanker! Why didn't you sing? It's supposed to be a duet for us!" Louis yells at Harry.

The younger boy shakes his head teasingly. "I just want to hear you sing for me."

Zayn stands up. "I think you ought to grab a snack. Tonight will be your last practice, right?"

"Yessir!" Louis says and they rise from the piano seat. Louis turns around, and catches Ashton before the latter can hide properly. "Ash?"

"Ashton, Luke is waiting for you in the caf--" Harry says before he is cut by a jab in the ribs, courtesy of Louis.

Zayn stays quiet.

"Won't you go to the cafeteria with us?" Louis asks carefully.

Ashton shakes his head a little. He enters the room. "I think I'll stay here. Need to think."

Harry is about to protest but Louis gently pulls him outside, understanding his friend. When they are out, Ashton turns to Zayn.

"You've been teaching them?"

"Occasionally," Zayn answers and sits again.

"Since when?"

Zayn heaves a sigh. "Since they heard me and Liam sing together. They said they want to sound like us. But I don't know they are keeping it a secret from the rest of you."

"Does not matter," Ashton comments and sits beside the teacher. "And you help them because...?"

"They remind me of Liam and I." Zayn's smile brings a sense of nostalgia. "Heck, they are like Liam and I. Liam might not have told you but... I was his bully before we joined the glee club, before we become best friends."

Ashton tries to think. "And about trying to make Liam forgive you... What of it?"

Zayn snorts. "Can't you still understand, you foolish boy? Before his husband, that Niall he is so proud of, before him there is me. Liam loved me first."

The student takes time to consider the statement. His mind goes back in time. Liam's high school times. No, not that moment. Liam, in the airport, to England for his first year in Uni, his first time to be so far away from home. That time, Zayn was missing. Zayn was not there to see his best friend off. Liam was distress that time. He covered it up poorly with his faux excitement to be in college.

Ashton closes his eyes. He asks slowly, "Do you... love Liam?"

Zayn laughs, like what he is hearing is the most stupid joke ever. "Do I love Liam? Of course, I love him. I love him. God, I love him... But I was a coward to admit it that time. I was afraid. I turned him down harshly. I did not see him in the days that came. Now look. I'm miserable, aren't I? Begging for his attention like a dog and restricted by my own morals that I become disgusted with myself to even think to take him away now that he's... married. He's married."

The younger boy opens his eyes. "Then it is not forgiveness that you want from Liam. You want him to look at you again. You want him to love you again."

Zayn sighs miserably. "Can't it happen? Can't my love be enough? We were quite a pair too when we were in high school. We became friends because of the glee club. A drunken night I told him all about me, and my family; heritage, dreams, problems and all. And in he, in turn, told me his. When we sing, it always feel like we are meant to be. And when he--"

"Sir," Ashton interrupts. "Whatever you had with Liam in the past, will never come close to what Liam and Niall have now," he says, echoing what Niall had told him before.

Zayn gapes at him. On his face, there is resignation, disappointment, misery. He laughs, but it is so bitter. An admittance of defeat. "You're right," he whispers.

"Louis and Harry... You don't have to worry about them either. They will not end up like you. I am sure of it."

"You're right," Zayn whispers again.

Ashton pauses. All of a sudden he thinks of his own relationship with Luke. _Will I be full of regrets just like this miserable man in front of me?_ he thinks grimly. _Will I deserve it too?_

Then he notices a teardrop fall from the teacher's eye before the latter rubs at it forcefully. Ashton frowns with _concern_.

Zayn stands up and walks over to the piano. He motions Ashton to sit beside him. Ashton does. Zayn sings.

"Let Her Go" by Passenger

"Well you only need the light when it's burning low

Only miss the sun when it starts to snow

Only know you love her when you let her go

.

"Only know you've been high when you're feeling low

Only hate the road when you're missing home

Only know you love her when you let her go

And you let her go

.

"Staring at the bottom of your glass

Hoping one day you'll make a dream last

But dreams come slow and they go so fast

.

"You see her when you close your eyes

Maybe one day you'll understand why

Everything you touch surely dies"

This part, Ashton joins him,

"But you only need the light when it's burning low

Only miss the sun when it starts to snow

Only know you love her when you let her go

.

"Only know you've been high when you're feeling low

Only hate the road when you're missing home

Only know you love her when you let her go"

Ashton sings,

"Staring at the ceiling in the dark

Same old empty feeling in your heart

Cause love comes slow and it goes so fast

.

"Well you see her when you fall asleep

But never to touch and never to keep

Cause you loved her too much and you dived too deep

.

"Well you only need the light when it's burning low

Only miss the sun when it starts to snow

Only know you love her when you let her go

.

"Only know you've been high when you're feeling low

Only hate the road when you're missing home

Only know you love her when you let her go

And you let her go

And you let her go

Well you let her go"

The two of them sings together,

"Cause you only need the light when it's burning low

Only miss the sun when it starts to snow

Only know you love her when you let her go

.

"Only know you've been high when you're feeling low

Only hate the road when you're missing home

Only know you love her when you let her go

.

"Cause you only need the light when it's burning low

Only miss the sun when it starts to snow

Only know you love her when you let her go

.

"Only know you've been high when you're feeling low

Only hate the road when you're missing home

Only know you love her when you let her go

And you let her go."

~~~

Ashton leaves the teacher alone afterwards to mull over things. He, too, has some things to think about.

He goes to his locker to get his bag because he wants to go home. But, lo and behold, Luke appears out of nowhere and blocks his way when he has grabbed his things and is ready to leave.

"You're going home?" Luke asks, sheer determination to get him to say something is on his face.

"Yes," Ashton replies.

"We have a practice today. We need to. Sectionals is day after tomorrow. You cannot slack off, Ash."

"It's not like we're going to win anyway," Ashton says. His mind is racing to think of another exit to this school.

Luke is gritting his teeth in irritation. "You..."

"Why? Is that not a good thing for Warblers? Your _real_ team?"

Luke looks down in shame. "Have you told them about it?"

"Have they bugged you about it? If not, then you'll know that I have not told any of them. They are usually kind of naggy, so... I don't have plans of telling them."

"Why?" Luke croaks.

"I just don't care."

Luke's anger comes back. He grabs Ashton's arm and pulls him to an empty classroom nearby."We need to talk," he says. Ashton does not answer.

"I was a spy, yes. But I will not tire to tell you, Ash," his voice becomes gentle, soothing, condescending. "My feelings for you are real. They are never pretend. I like you, Ashton. From the moment I first saw you. You make me happy when we're together, and you made me think of you all the time. I just... You are special to me."

When the older boy still does not respond, Luke continues. "I _was_ a spy. Cody and I _were_ together. But I ended it all yesterday, Ash. I talked to Blaine last night. And I told my parents that my transfer here will be permament. I will not go back to Dalton."

_False hopes, Ash. False hopes. You don't believe him, do you?_

"Ash, no matter what you think, you are not alone..."

Lies.

"...I will not give up on you..."

Lies.

"...I will never leave you..."

LIES.

"...I... Ashton, I love you."

"LIES!" Ashton shrieks and bolts out the door, out the school. Luke tries to catch up on him. Oh Lord, did he try. He calls his name. Begs him to stop. Begs him to believe every word he had said. But Ashton will not do so, will not let anyone see his emotions. He runs fast. He runs straight home. He will run until no one can catch him.

Why can't you learn?

I never did ask Luke to do all those things. It's his own fault. He already betrayed you, right? He's just doing those things to have some kind of atonement for himself.

Why can't they let me be?

Why is love so complicated?

Why must life be this hard?

He is panting hard when he reaches the porch. Sweat, nausea, legs trembling, heart seemingly about to burst. He is so tired. He faints.

He wakes up lying on his own bed. The window is wide open to let fresh air in. Ashton sits up. Three in the afternoon according to the clock. No one is around.

He hears conversation from outside. He listens. Liam, Niall, and Minerva. He lies back to his bed.

Minerva is crying. Liam tries to soothe her. It's not his fault, Ashton decides, that their mother cannot understand. That their mother has a separation anxiety. It is Liam and Niall's right to move out of the house should they want to. And this time, base on what he is hearing, Liam and Niall will really move out... so they can finally attend to their plan of having their own life and family.

It has been everyone's guess that history repeats itself. Ashton wonders if this is the genesis of that part that happened three years ago, played to start again.

END OF CHAPTER SEVEN


	8. A New Beginning

For a moment, Ashton is lost. He is not sure when and where he is. He is not even sure how did he get here. All that he knows is that he, along with New Directions, are in a choir room. There is a stage outside, on the hall, and right now, Warblers are performing. Even here, he can hear them sing:

_"And there's just one last thing that I have to say_

_As we reflect on the mess of all of this I've made_

_It was cowardice that made me push you away_

_I was so afraid cause you were so much better than me"_

Ashton looks around at his friends. They are nervous, all right. Michael, Lauren and Josh are sitting quietly. Eleanor and Ed are beside him, talking in whispers. Louis keeps pacing back and forth. Of all his teammates, Louis is the most nervous of them all, red in the face, looking like about to detonate. Harry is outside, calling his mother through his phone. Courtney has gone to the toilet three times now in an hour. They are to perform last.

Their two coaches are outside, watching the other schools perform. His brother and Niall, too, are watching. He hopes Minerva is with them.

Ashton recounts the past night. He remembers what happened between Minerva and him. He had just walked home from school after the exams, and he saw her sitting in the porch. Odd, he thought, that Minerva rarely sits outside. Ashton greeted his mother, and was greeted back with a nod. He peeked through the window, and saw Liam and Niall throwing in stuffs to boxes. Ashton was hit with the realization that the two boys are really moving out. It was a rush. Even his older brother agrees that it is all in a hurry. But he explained that the appreciable estate offer would not stand for long if he do not take it immediately. They will be living in a new house much too far from Ashton's on Monday.

Ashton went back to Minerva. His mother was looking far away, as if reminiscing the past. Then she whispered, "After all that I've done to your brother, this is what he repays me. By leaving us."

He clenched his fist, not entirely because of irritation, but because he did not know what to say. "Ma," he started, "Liam is an adult. He can think for himself. He can do whatever he wants. Don't blame him for wanting to have his own life."

He did not miss the hateful glare Minerva gave him. His mother stood up. "So, you agree with him? Do you want to leave, too? Because you've been going home late these days as if you don't want to be here. You're with your friends, those bad influences to your studies. You want to live with them? Go on. I am not stopping you. Go ahead. Spend your high school life in detentions and with bullies. Don't come back running to me when you find yourself in deep trouble. Who am I, anyway? Just an old woman who tried to give everything to her children. And this is what I get --"

"MA, STOP!" Ashton yelled. He was then slapped in the face by his mother. It stung, bright red and throbbing. Tears swell up from his eyes.

"Don't you dare raise your voice at me, young man," Minerva seethes.

Ashton stood frozen, a hand cradling the side of his face that has been slapped. A moment, two, of which the mother and son stood staring at each other. Then Minerva's features softened. She looked at her hands, then at Ashton. She cried. "I'm sorry. I'm --"

Having had enough, Ashton said, "Ma, I will not leave you now. But you have to understand that someday, Liam, Colette and I will have to go. There is a world out there, and we may need to be a part of it. That does not mean we will abandon you. How could we? You're our mother."

Minerva started bawling in tears. "You're just saying that! You will leave me! Just like your father! Just like what Liam is doing now!"

Ashton jumped, and embraced his mother. Tight. He whispered "Shhh... shhh..." soothingly to her ear, and rubbed circles on her back. He let his mother cry on his shoulders. In his mind, he decided to forgive Liam and Niall for deciding to move out when they know Minerva is like this. He thought that the first step for Minerva to break free from her separation anxiety was this, to let Liam go, and show her that everything will work out just fine. And so, he let her be, and hummed the song his father priced when he was alive, the song he had said was made for him and his wife.

_"Wouldn't it be nice if we were older?_

_Then we wouldn't have to wait so long_

_And wouldn't it be nice to live together_

_In the kind of world where we belong_

.

_"You know it's gonna make it that much better_

_When we can say goodnight and stay together_

.

_"Wouldn't it be nice if we could wake up_

_In the morning when the day is new?_

_And after having spent the day together_

_Hold each other close the whole night through"_

It was nothing, but Ashton wished it did something.

~~~

Camila, Calum and Luke enter the choir room, having been watching the performances of the other schools in the hall. Camila asks her teammates who are lingering inside if they don't want to watch Vocal Adrenaline perform. And thus ended Ashton's reverie.

"They'll be up next. And after that, we must get ready," Camila adds.

"Why is Storm considered a mutant?" Louis asks out of nowhere.

"What?" Camila asks in confusion.

"I mean, she should be a god," Louis rambles on. "She has god-like powers like Thor, and what kind of mutated cells can give you that power? And compared to the other X-Men --"

"Stop it, Lou," Harry says. He rubs the older boy's back. "Everything will be alright. Don't be nervous."

Louis gives a shaky smile in return. He is still nervous. No one can help it. So, the rest stand up, stretch a little, and start to move out and face the music. Luke reaches for Ashton's hand, quite desperately. Ashton avoids it and is irritated when the younger boy attempts to touch him again.

"Please, stop," he murmurs.

There is a stern expression on Luke's face. He calls for his name, but says nothing else.

"Come on," Ashton says. He motions for them to leave. He walks out first, Luke follows close behind him. There is tension. Ashton is too afraid to break it.

~~~

"From Carmel High, ladies and gentlemen, Vocal Adrenaline!" goes the announcer.

Cher appears on stage, looking like a moon goddess. Her girl teammates are behind her, in black dresses. She belts out:

"Love On Top" by Beyonce

_"Honey, honey_

_I can see the stars all the way from here_

_Can't you see the glow on the window pane?_

_I can feel the sun whenever you're near_

_Every time you touch me I just melt away_

.

_"Now everybody asks me why I'm smiling out from ear to ear (They say love hurts)_

_But I know (It's gonna take a little work)_

_Nothing's perfect, but it's worth it after fighting through my tears_

_And finally you put me first_

.

_"Baby it's you._

_You're the one I love._

_You're the one I need._

_You're the only one I see_

.

_"Come on baby it's you._

.

_"You're the one that gives your all._

_You're the one I can always call._

_When I need you make everything stop._

_Finally you put my love on top._

.

_"Ooh! Come on baby._

_You put my love on top, top, top, top, top._

_You put my love on top._

_Ooh oooh! Come on baby._

_You put my love on top, top, top, top, top._

_My love on top._

_My love on top."_

Ashton, in the meantime, looks around. From his seat, he can see Liam and Niall up front, still no Minerva showing up. He can also see the three judges sitting in the next aisle: an elementary music teacher, a politician, and who appears to be Rachel Berry. Sue Sylvester is also in the hall, beside Zayn and some other teachers.

Eleanor fidgets beside Ashton. "I'm nervous, Ash," she says.

Ashton gives him a reassuring smile. "We'll do just fine," he says, then turns his attention back to Vocal Adrenaline.

"Finally you put my love on top," Cher finishes. Then the stage dims. When it lights up again, Nick is on stage with the boys, the girls in their arms in a dance position. The whole room erupts into an ocean of cheers.

"Locked Out In Heaven" by Bruno Mars

_"One, two, one, two, three_

.

_"Oh, yeah, yeah,_

_Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,_

_Ooh!_

_Oh, yeah, yeah,_

_Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,_

_Ooh!_

.

_"Never had much faith in love or miracles_

_Ooh!_

_Never wanna put my heart on the line_

_Ooh!_

_But swimming in your water is something spiritual_

_Ooh!_

_I'm born again every time you spend the night_

_Ooh!_

.

_"'Cause your sex takes me to paradise_

_Yeah, your sex takes me to paradise_

_And it shows, yeah, yeah, yeah_

.

_"'Cause you make me feel like I've been locked out of heaven_

_For too long, for too long_

_Yeah, you make me feel like I've been locked out of heaven_

_For too long, for too long_

.

_"Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,_

_Ooh!_

_Oh, yeah, yeah,_

_Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,_

_Ooh!"_

The New Directions feel like they are going to be deaf by the cheers afterwards. When the crowd calms down, the announcer calls for another school. After them, another school, then the McKinley High will perform next. They are ushered backstage by a coordinator.

"Are you nervous?" Shirley asks them when they are all in the backstage. When none answers, she says. "I'll take that as yes. Super terribly nervous."

Ashton sees Lauren reach for Camila's hand and squeeze tight.

"Don't be, you guys," Robb says. "Somebody advised to me a long time ago that you should only imagine the audience as vegetables and you'll be alright."

"I hate vegetables," Ed mumbles.

"Vocal Adrenaline were great," Courtney says.

"We will be better," Calum says.

"Why is continental drift called as such?" Louis asks again in nervousness. Harry hushes him up.

"Guys, it's not about winning or being better," Shirley says. "It's about being able to perform and doing it with all of your h--"

"What?" Courtney asks. "Excuse me, but Sue Sylvester did not send me here just to perform. I'm here to win, thank you very much."

"Okay, scratch that," Shirley says again, her tone changed from compassionate to aggressive. "We will win and kick their sorry Vocal Adrenaline asses. Damn, they will suck big time. The twelve of you, if you don't give me the gold, I swear to Moses, you will regret the day you heard the name Shirley Roberts."

The students stare at their female teacher stupidly.

"I am not kidding," she threatens.

"Oookayyyy..." Lauren says. "That's very inspiring, miss."

"Thanks," Shirley says with a sweet, sickening smile. "Be the pride of this nation, Lauren. Embody your nationality."

"What the heck does that mean?"

"Beats me, too," the teacher says.

The twelve plus the two teachers fall into silence. Ashton is suddenly nervous. He wants to throw up badly. The room is turning round and round and he feels like collapsing to the ground.

"I need to use the toilet," he croaks and immediately turns to leave, leaving his teammates' confused and agitated reactions hanging in the air.

"We'll be up next, Ash. Do hurry!" He hears Ed call after him.

Ashton's head is dizzy. His stomach drops. He reaches the toilet, opens one of the stall, drops to his knees and throws up into the bowl. Whatever he had eaten that morning, all gone.

When it was over, he does not get up. He does not feel like getting up. His body is too weak now. He wants to go home. He just wants to sleep. He closes his eyes.

He feels so empty.

He hears footsteps. Then his stall is yanked open, and there stood Luke; concerned and kind of sad. Ashton stares at him blankly.

The Hemmings boy (the traitor, the transferee, Ashton's love) does not say any words. He drops next to Ashton, pulls out a tissue from the dispenser, and wipes Ashton's mouth clean. He throws the paper to the bin. Then lastly flushes the toilet before staring at Ashton with a sad smile.

"We need to look our best when we're out there," Luke says gently.

Ashton does not know how and why something inside of him snap that time, of all times. His vision becomes blurry. Tears are suddenly falling from his eyes. "I... I hate you," he states.

Luke is taken aback.

"I hate you so much, you traitor."

The taller of the two looks at the other wide-eyed. He readies himself to leave.

"You are a piece of shit, do you know that? I am not supposed to feel any of these things but you have to come and ruin everything."

Again, Luke pauses, and stares at the older boy with wonder.

"You are so happy when I'm not. You are everything I'm not. I don't want to feel again. I don't want to try. I don't want to be hurt. And I don't want to be abandoned again. My religion. My hope. My dream. How dare you make me experience all that! For just so short a time..."

Finally, Luke understands. That Ashton is finally letting it all out. So he cries with Ashton, too, and laughs because of happiness. He holds the older boy's hand firmly.

"Why did you do that, Luke? Why did you hurt me? Why did you have someone else? Don't you know how much that hurt?" Ashton cries.

"I'm sorry," Luke says truthfully (and happily, because Ashton _does_ care.

"You broke my heart. And it's all stupid because I love you!"

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry," Luke replies. He embraces Ashton, and the other boy clings to him for dear life. They cry some more. He lets him pour out all of his feelings, hidden, buried, masked all these years. And when it's done, he wipes his tears away, and kisses him in the forehead.

Before they go out, Ashton rinses and dries himself. Still unsure of what the hell just happened, he stares at his reflection in the mirror before Luke calls to his attention.

They have been calling for New Directions for ten minutes now. Luke holds out his hand to Ashton. "Coming?" he asks. Ashton takes the hand with a smile, still unsure, but trusting this time.

~~~

"I will fucking strangle you right now if we were not going to perform," Courtney says to Ashton and Luke when the team are on the backstage, waiting for the curtains to rise. "We would have been disqualified. Thank God this is a democratic country. And thank God Sue is on our side, dimwits. She persuaded the judges to give us another chance."

"Thanks Sue," Luke says sarcastically but in good nature. He turns to his side and smiles at Ashton. Ashton smiles to him.

"Yes, we thank thee, Holy Sue, for bestowing upon us thy Holy approval," Ashton jokes.

The group gapes at him.

"D-did Ashton just smile?" Calum asks.

"I think he did, babe," Michael answers.

"He's smiling again? And Luke made him do it?" Josh asks.

Eleanor squeals in delight. The girl embraces him, then Lauren, then Louis, then Michael. His best friends all these years.

"Ladies and Gentlemen," the announcers says. The New Directions compose themselves. "From McKinley High, the New Directions!"

The music starts. Ashton jumps on stage. He is met with lights, bright lights. His heart is still beating too fast. But when his eyes adjust to the lights, and he see the audience, and Minerva sitting with Liam and Niall and her prayer group, he feels much, much better. He sings:

"She's Kinda Hot"

_[Ashton:]_

"My girlfriend’s bitchin’ 'cause I always sleep in

She’s always screamin’ when she’s calling her friend

She’s kinda hot though

Yeah, she’s kinda hot though

(Just an itty bitty little bit hot)"

_[Luke:]_

"My shrink is telling me I got crazy dreams

She’s also saying I got low self-esteem

She’s kinda hot though

Yeah, she’s kinda hot though

(Just a little bit a little bit hot)"

_[Josh:]_

"She put me on meds, she won’t get out of my head

She’s kinda hot though

(One, two, three, go!)"

_[Louis:]_

"My friend left college 'cause it felt like a job

His mom and dad both think he’s a slob

He’s got a shot though (No, not really)

Yeah, he’s got a shot though (No, no, not really)"

_[Harry:]_

"When you’ve got bigger plans that no one else understands

You’ve got a shot though

(Oh my, that’s a big plan you’ve got there)"

_[Michael and Calum:]_

"They say we’re losers and we’re alright with that

We are the leaders of the not-coming-back’s

But we’re alright though

Yeah, we’re alright though

We are the kings and the queens of the new broken scene

Yeah, we’re alright though

(Uno, dos, tres, cuatro)"

_[Ed:]_

"Sometimes I’m feeling like I’m going insane

My neighbour told me that I got bad brains

But I’m alright though (We’re alright though)

Yeah, we’ll be alright though (We’re alright though)

'Cause we’re the kings and the queens of the new broken scene

And we’re alright though

(One, two, three, four)"

_[All:]_

"They say we’re losers and we’re alright with that

We are the leaders of the not-coming-back’s

But we’re alright though (We’re alright though)

Yeah, we’re alright though (We’re alright though)

We are the kings and the queens of the new broken scene

Yeah, we’re alright though (We're gonna be OK)"

"Na na na na na na na na na na na

Na na na na na na na na na na na

But we’re alright though

Na na na na na na na na na na na

Yeah, we’re alright though

Na na na na na na na na na na na

We are the kings and the queens of the new broken scene

Yeah, we’re alright though"

An amount of appreciative applause. The stage darkens. The boys exit the platform, leaving the girls in the front. The stage lights turn on again.

"Sledgehammer"

_[All girls:]_

"If you could take my pulse right now

It would feel just like a sledgehammer

If you could feel my heartbeat now

It would hit you like a sledgehammer "

_[Lauren:]_

"I don't admit it

I play it cool

But every minute

That I'm with you"

_[Camila:]_

"I feel the fever and I won't lie

I break a sweat

My body's telling

All the secrets I ain't told you yet"

_[Eleanor:]_

"Oh oh

I struggle to contain

Whoa oh

The love that's in my veins

Oh oh

And how it circulates

Oh oh"

_[All girls:]_

"If you could take my pulse right now

It would feel just like a sledgehammer

If you could feel my heartbeat now

It would hit you like a sledgehammer"

.

"You're taking over the beat of my body

You just don't let up, don't let up

You're taking over the beat of my body

But you lift me up, lift me up

If you take my pulse right now

It would feel just like a sledgehammer"

_[Courtney:]_

"The truth is out

No stopping now

I'm getting closer

I've had enough

Undress my love

I'm coming over"

_[All girls:]_

"If you could take my pulse right now

It would feel just like a sledgehammer

If you could feel my heartbeat now

It would hit you like a sledgehammer"

.

"You're taking over the beat of my body

You just don't let up, don't let up

You're taking over the beat of my body

But you lift me up, lift me up

If you take my pulse right now

It would feel just like a sledgehammer"

The applause is louder. The boys re-enter the stage.

"Happily"

_[Ashton:]_

"You don't understand, you don't understand

What you do to me when you hold his hand

We were meant to be but a twist of fate

Made it so we had to walk away"

_[Luke:]_

"Cause we're on fire, we are on fire

We're on fire now

Yeah we're on fire, we are on fire

We're on fire now

(1, 2, 3)"

_[All:]_

"I don't care what people say when we're together

You know I want to be the one who holds you when you sleep

I just want it to be you and I forever

I know you wanna leave

So come on baby be with me so happily"

_[Michael:]_

"It's 4am and I know that you're with him"

_[Calum:]_

"I wonder if he knows that I've touched your skin"

_[Louis:]_

"And if he feels my traces in your hair"

_[Harry:]_

"I'm sorry lord but I don't really care"

_[Camila:]_

"Cause we're on fire, we're all on fire

We're on fire now"

_[Lauren:]_

"Yeah we're on fire, we are on fire

We're on fire now"

_[All:]_

"I don't care what people say when we're together

You know I want to be the one

Who holds you when you sleep

I just want it to be you and I forever

I know you wanna leave

So come on baby be with me so happily

So happily

1, 2, 3, 4"

_[Josh:]_

"Oh oh oh oh oh, oh oh oh oh we're on fire now"

_[Courtney:]_

"Oh oh oh oh oh, oh oh oh oh we're on fire now"

_[Ed:]_

"Oh oh oh oh oh, oh oh oh oh we're on fire now"

_[All:]_

"I don't care what people say when we're together

You know I want to be the one

Who holds you when you sleep

I just want it to be you and I forever

I know you wanna leave

So come on baby be with me so happily"

.

"I don't care what people say when we're together

You know I want to be the one

Who holds you when you sleep

I just want it to be you and I forever

I know you wanna leave

So come on baby be with me so happily"

Crowd applause. Very, very loud. Ashton decides he likes it. He wants it to be part of his life now.

~~~

The choir room in McKinley High is quiet now. The students have just gone. Some went home like Ed and Courtney, others went out in pairs (Louis and Harry, Lauren and Camila, Michael and Calum, Eleanor and Josh) and into places they want with each other for adventure. Still others chose to remain in that quiet choir room, so peaceful now, after the cheers and cries, of good natured goodbyes, of reunions of alumna so happy they don't want to part again.

Ashton sits in the room, staring at the trophy the team just placed in the display case earlier.

First place. Who would have thought?

He allows a smile to spread on his lips.

"What's on your mind?" Luke, who is sitting beside him, asks.

"Home," Ashton answers. "I'm thinking of home. Things will be all right there now, I know."

"I'm sure it will," Luke assures and holds his hand.

"And us?"

"We will be okay. We have plenty of time."

"You won't leave the Glee club now, would you?"

Ashton takes a breath. "I suppose not. I like it here."

A moment's silence

"Are you free this weekend?" Luke asks

"Yes."

"Would you mind going out with me?"

"Of course not, Luke. A date would be lovely."

Luke chuckles. "A date it is."

"We'll meet by the Co-op? In the afternoon?" Ashton asks this time.

"Yes. Same time, same place."

"And you like me?"

"Yes. More than that," he reassures. "I love you."

They hold hands, walk home, and part with a kiss. It is not much, but it is the beginning of something better in life. And as Ashton lies on his bed preparing to sleep, with Azariah already sleeping by his windowsill and the fireflies dancing under the moonlight; with Luke dreaming of him, Liam and his husband in their hopes for a wonderful future, Minerva ready to let go, Zayn a quarter miles away ready to move on; with Michael contentedly gobbling his pizza in Calum's bedroom, Eleanor finally finishing her Kurtbastian fanfiction, Lauren having an all-night conversation with Camila on the telephone, Louis and Harry watching X-Men 2; with Calum and his heart on his sleeve, Ed and his music, Josh and his friendship, Courtney and her good intentions; with all of those and more, Ashton hums a little song for himself and for them,

_"In the middle of summer_

_All was golden in the sky_

_All was golden when the day met the night."_

He is contented. After years of being lost, Ashton is happy.

THE END

**Author's Note:**

> ...Yeah, I know. Sorry for the horrible song choices


End file.
